Willfully Yours

She is currently in the midst of preparing an extensive legal document with her lawyer husband to take care of issues that could arise if he passes on. (“He’s on a plane every week,” she says. “Who knows what might happen?”). I should add they’re very happily married. Tackling murky territory and some unpleasant stuff just happens to be part of the romance. Some might consider it morbid,but the document covers the future for their unborn child’s custody in case they both die,and will give the spouses the legal right to pull the plug on each other without interference from family members in case either of them are ever languishing hopelessly in hospital.

As someone who’s always gone with the flow and made life altering decisions based purely on instinct,I find such planning and execution admirable indeed. I’m acutely aware that I’m ill prepared for grim situations (and I do intend to sort it out),when,is the question. I’ve decided to start with getting a marriage certificate but the thought of going to Patiala House Court makes me shrink. I have yet to collect my degree from Delhi University and my school leaving certificate is safe somewhere but it’s been some years since I spotted it last. My pragmatic friend,meanwhile,announced gloomily that death,divorce and disease are brutal realities,the better prepared for which we are,the softer the blow would be.

This is also the difference between getting married in your 30s as opposed to your 20s. You take out more insurance policies. And living in the West,instead of Asia. In our part of the world people are reluctant to make wills because ridiculous myths persist like writing a will hastens your demise. Yet,even in the US ,upto 60 per cent of adults with families haven’t gotten around to making a will. But many more couples in the West,and not all of them rock stars or actors,just regular folk,are opting for prenuptial agreements. In India,despite the significant changes in personal wealth,prenups are unheard of and I’m pretty sure the idea would be regarded with disdain. Back home,I called a couple of friends to find out if they had marriage certificates or had convinced their spouses to make wills. Out of four women in their early 30s,one had a certificate but none had any kind of legal armour against family feuds regarding property. Acknowledging your own mortality and preparing for it is tougher than one would imagine. Living in India ,where it’s anybody’s guess on how long you could be in court over a dispute,legit paperwork is crucial. As a friend pointedly remarked,it requires an entirely different dimension of communication with your partner to prepare for the worst. It’s a lot easier to concentrate on living.

(hutkayfilms@gmail.com)