Dazzle like a Diva: Dressing up for others

I have barely understood the concept of ‘dress for yourself’. Nobody dresses for one’s self.

I have spent all of Diwali week in my linens. I could blame it on Mumbai’s killer second summer, that makes one swelter from the face too. But in all honestly it is my absolute disdain for dazzling sequins and shimmering embroideries. In a room full of people dressed as if it’s a wedding, I aim to stand out with a clean, chic, tailored outfit where good fabric is the key.

“Shut up,” my mother admonishes when I proffer my reasons for dressing down. She loves the chamak. I loathe anything she likes, obviously. At my brother’s wedding last year, we barely spoke. She could not believe Sabyasachi had made a gorgeous polka-dotted peplum tunic in raw silk with churi pants. “There’s no embroidery,” she yelled, until I showed her the label at my back. Regardless, she made me change.

The weekend saw another family festivity, a 200-guest godbharai for my cousin’s wife. The mother made her sister call me and beg me to wear a sari. “I can’t, I only have wedding saris,” I explained. “When else will you dress up but at family functions?” masi averred. Then she dropped the bombshell: “Come on, be my princess.”

Just a handful shy of 40, I haven’t been called “princess” in a long time. The queen of many things, I get a lot, and I’m not ashamed to admit none of them are compliments. But “princess” brought out the ‘un-feministy’ Disney feelings I didn’t know I possessed. I pulled out a gorgeous green and gold brocade blouse designed by my favourite couturier Pallavi Jaikishen, and teamed it with a salmon and gold chiffon sari. I wasn’t dressed for a wedding, it was more of what we light dressers like to call “cocktail saris”. But the mother and aunt had their way.

It was a delightful evening. Both of them sat on either side and showed me off like I was a prize. Old grand-aunts fussed and fawned over me. There were smiles all around. I had, despite an erstwhile chagrin, fit in. And it felt good.

I have barely understood the concept of ‘dress for yourself’. Nobody dresses for one’s self. If we did we’d be in yoga pants everywhere. I have espoused the ‘dress for the ocassion’ adage even though my mien was always aimed at simplicity and style over shimmer.

But yes, the very idiom of fashion is to spell out your personality to the beholder. Are you a bohemian? Are you a lunching socialite? Are you lazy or do you actually care about what you put on?

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At some level, we all care about what we wear. I do wish many of us cared more. But no, there is no such thing as ‘effortless dressing’. One must be dressed but with a dash of insouciance. If the effort shows, then you aren’t doing it right.

Dressing up for family, putting on a little makeup and a lot of dazzle, is not something I am good at. I don’t think it is something I will do often. But it did make Diwali all warm and fuzzy for me.
namratanow@gmail.com

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