Punjabi Talkies

Director: Sagar S Sharma

Writer: Rajan Agarwal

Cast: Minissha Lamba,Aarya Babbar,Gurpreet Ghuggi,Preet Bhullar,

Mukul Dev,Yograj Singh

Music: Gurmeet Singh

Ratings: HHHHH

In one of the scenes of Heer & Hero,Fateh (Aarya Babbar) is seen bashing up a poor dude. Raj (Preet Bhullar) and his friend walk up and ask him to stop. “No,” shoots Babbar,because the poor dude had apparently thrown Babbar’s bag in the water,and in the process ruined pictures of the girl he loves. “Ae pyaar da mamala hai (these are matters of the heart),” says Babbar,giving his reason for the bash-up. Is that so? Raj and his buddy swing into action and join him in some pulp action. Bhupi (Gurpreet Ghuggi) joins in,followed by a whole crowd. Why? “Kyunki ae pyaar da mamala hai!” Just when you think Punjabi cinema couldn’t get worse with its “fall in love,cook-up a harebrained plot to get the girl,and wrap up the story in a ridiculously great chase across Punjab”,another one of these mind-numbing comedies comes along and resets the benchmark for a new low.

This Friday,HB Productions Pvt Ltd and The Theatre Army Films’ Heer & Hero hit a very rocky rock bottom.

The story of a fashion designer called Geet (Minissha Lamba) who wants to go to Paris to showcase her work rather than get married in the village as ordered by her tyrant of a father Sher Singh (Yograj Singh,who can’t seem to get enough of ghar di izzat dialogues),Heer & Hero is riddled with flaws right from the word go.

A disaster on the creative and technical front and victim of a sloppy screenplay,the film borrows its three-men-crazy-for-a-girl bit from There’s Something about Mary. Geet is surrounded by her “heroes” — Raj who pumps in Rs 2.5 crore for her boutique and fashion show (she should’ve married him,end of story),the local goon Fateh (Babbar,who seriously needs to tone down the hamming and work on his Punjabi diction),and her fiance,Bhupi. While all vie for her attention and hand in marriage,Geet requests Raj and Fateh to help her escape her wedding and go to Paris. For an independent girl,running away or convincing her folks should’ve been a cakewalk. Instead,we are treated to a bellowing Sher Singh turning beetroot red over Geet’s decision to not marry his foe-turned-friend’s son.

The writer and director torture us further by indulging in an exhaustingly boring car chase that goes round and round on the same road. Clueless,they throw in an item number with Hazel Keech (who must be regretting it,for the choreography was so bad that it made able dancers such as her and Lamba look like they were doing PT),a vamp called Sweety who hires a samosa-munching Bhuji Badmash (Manoj Pahwa) to kill Geet,and a team of goons who appear at the drop of a hat.

With Badmash networking on Facebook and getting pictures of targets via WhatsApp,we wondered whether there actually is a Dial-1-800-Hitmen. The only upside of the film,apart from a decent Lamba (who makes her debut in Punjabi cinema) and Ghuggi was Mukul Dev as Inspector Zaildaar Singh,a Punjabi Chulbul Pandey,who deserves a Punjabi film as a lead.

At decibel-crashing volume and Babbar’s unforgettable “winged shoes”,Heer & Hero is an example of what happens when you sign up with a filmmaker who takes his job rather too lightly and ends up wasting the time and money of investors — the producers and the audiences. Even khayali pulaos are more appetising than what was served in this film.

jaskiran.kaur@gmail.com