A Close Shave

The barbershop in question was a Hollywood legend — the original Ocean’s Eleven was filmed there and most of the staff was well over sixty. A platinum blonde biddy,a cigarette dangerously dangling from her mouth like in some noir film,came over and drawled,“Can I do your hands,honey?” And for the first time in my life,I consented to have a manicure. There was something wonderfully old world and comforting about being pampered in this manner. It may have bordered on the decadent but it was certainly not obscene.

As I left this fine establishment an hour later,deftly depilated,buffed and smelling of shea butter,I wondered why India does not have similar establishments that cater solely to gentlemen.

One by one,the ‘Gents Barber Shops’ of yesteryear have become unisex ‘parlours’ and ‘salons’ and now star proprietress’s style star tresses. Dhoni is tonsured by the truly Mad Sapna,Aavaan splits ends with Aamir,and Adhuna gives Farhan the snip whilst Dilshad shears Shah Rukh.

Now this is not some misogynistic phobia but I am chary of women other than my wife running their fingers through my hair and fussing about “bounce” and “volume”.

Where O where have all the men gone? And why is no one a ‘barber’ any longer? Why are they now all ‘hair dressers’ or worse,poncy ‘stylists’?

Do you remember the time we shaved with our father’s razors using Topaz stainless steel blades? Then came the disposable Bic safety razor,then the re-usable Gillette,then the Panasonic electric shaver? Now,after the Mach 3 and Schick Quattro,I quiver in anticipation for the Quintet and then,surely,the slick Sextet cannot be far behind?

Thanks to rapid advancement in the men’s grooming department,nicks and cuts every morning are mercifully a thing of the past. But I pine for a good old-fashioned shave by an expert who has refined the ritual into an art form.

Sure,the neighbourhood nai with his trusty rusty razor can still be found at the street corner giving the milkman and driver a close shave,but if you aspire to slightly higher standards of hygiene and ambience then our country is left sorely wanting.

Perhaps some enterprising entrepreneur can fill this void and cater to man’s primal need to be luxuriously depilated by his fellow man? Besides,in the absence of an indigenous Drone’s Club,a gentlemen-only barber’s establishment would provide a perfect locale for male bonding and social networking. Mergers discussed over a manicure,deals sealed over a shave.

There are big bucks to be made in this business-after all,it is a veritable cash crop.

samarofdiscontent@gmail.com

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