India’s Most Detestable

Hello and a very warm welcome to my show,Julian.

JULIAN: Thank you Kooky. It’s such a privilege to be featured amongst your chosen few.

KOOKY: Julian,you have single-handedly made a public nuisance of yourself across the world in a relatively short period of time. Tell me,how did you manage to become such a prize dislike?

JULIAN: Well Kooky,the trick really lies in annoying all the people all the time. If you constantly poke,prod and expose the shenanigans and/ or Swiss bank accounts of people in public office they are bound to get annoyed at some point. That’s how I was anointed Public Enemy Number One.

KOOKY: Well,Mayawati might say you are more of a public enema,Julian! Your allegations against her have caused quite an international sandal,err… scandal.

JULIAN: Yes. I did put my foot into that one.

KOOKY: Tell me honestly,what’s your problem even if she did send a plane to Mumbai to buy footwear?

JULIAN: No problem. It just proves my point that she’s a slippery character.

KOOKY: How very middle-class of you,Julian. That’s just one of the few perks of being an Indian politician. Did you know that even Jawaharlal Nehru used to send his clothes to a laundry in Paris?

JULIAN: I prefer to comment only on other types of laundering. And expose those who are taking the nation to the cleaners.

KOOKY: Mayawati has very graciously invited you to Agra and offered to host you at the mental asylum there. Will you accept?

JULIAN: I would love to go to Agra — there’s another juicy scandal involving her waiting to be exposed regarding the Taj corridor.

KOOKY: Really,the corridor? I imagine you might find juicier scandals in one of the suites or even perhaps the Taj lobby,after midnight?

JULIAN: Kooky,no offence,but I think this conversation is going nowhere,much like your government’s efforts at bringing back black money or David Headley. Goodbye!

KOOKY: Oh no! We seem to have lost our satellite link even before our Tarot reader could predict Julian’s future. No worries,we will be back next week with our Tihar Special where the always-entertaining Amar Singh ji has threatened to sing if the others don’t dance to his tunes.

Fahad Samar is a filmmaker,inveterate traveller and intrepid chronicler of society

samarofdiscontent@gmail.com