On Ashes 2017 sidelines, the Trashes

Piggy Smith is a ‘cheeaaaattt’…
It was only going to be a matter of time before the Barmy Army joined the trash-talk parade. After making a perfect start to their tour by beating the Fanatics (the Baggy Green fan club) by 7 runs in the opening match of the “Bashes” the Barmy Army released the lyrics of their upcoming Ashes hit. While the chorus is centred around how “with (Joe) Root as their captain they’ll take the urn home”, there are two rather pointed stanzas about Steve Smith and Australian opener David Warner. And it’s no-holds-barred dealing with the Aussie captain’s “brainfade” in Bangalore and a delicate matter of a one-time fling involving Warner’s wife.

Piggy Smith is a lucky skip
Without Mitch his form will dip
He often seeks some help with a
review
He goes pink in the heat
(Goes pink in the heat)
We think he’s a cheeaatttt

Davie Warner is over the hill
Come second to Sonny Bill
He’ll only pick a fight with men in a wig
When he opens his gob
We think he’s a knooobb

Stokes’s counterpunch
Matthew Hayden was considered the lynchpin of Australia’s “mental disintegration” program on the field. And he doesn’t hold back even now, whether it’s in the commentary box or on the radio. But he met his match in Ben Stokes, who doesn’t mind throwing a sledge or two either. Hayden had called the English team a “rabble” while speaking to a local podcast before adding, “I look down their list of players and I honestly don’t even know who half of these guys are.” According to the former Australian opener, the English team carried a sense of anonymity except the likes of Alastair Cook, James Anderson, Stuart Broad and Joe Root. “Apart from that — you throw a blanket over those four — who are they?” he’d said. Stokes didn’t take too lightly to this and took to Twitter for his riposte. “Hayden says he doesn’t know who half our squad is….only 2 from the squad haven’t played at International level…..he’s a cricket pundit yeah??”

Gilly’s friendly suggestion
Former England captain Michael Vaughan had asked the Twitter world for suggestions on “best box sets” to download for his upcoming trip Down Under. And while he received a lot of Netflix suggestions, from Narcos to Gomorrah, former Australia wicketkeeper Adam Gilchrist had a more relevant recommendation. “Ashes 2006/07” he replied, with a “See ya soon Skipper” to boot. England had, of course, been thumped 5-0 in 2006-07 Down Under. It came a year-and-a-half after Vaughan had helped England regain the Ashes after 19 years.

Swann song
Gilchrist wasn’t done as he tweeted a picture of himself holding his ears next to a “ear-plugs” dispenser with a message for his BT Sport commentary partner Graeme Swann. “Time to get on the #Ashes twitter war of words. Getting ready for my commentary stint with @Swannyg66 on @btsportcricket tomorrow” he tweeted. Swann, though, had the last laugh bringing up Gilchrist’s rather well-endowed ears replying, “Just how many ear plugs can you fit in those satellite dishes…?” All Gilchrist, who did see the funny side of it, could say to that was post a few emojis flashing the bird.