Being a teenager is challenging, but parenting a teenager is even harder. When the entire world seems like a Bollywood movie for your no-longer-a-baby, and the world exhilaratingly holds its breath as your teenager debuts into real life, all a parent wishes is that their child chooses the path leading to a safe and beautiful life. In the midst of myriad challenges, one of the major awkward aspects for a teenage parent is how to discuss romantic relationships openly without seeming judgmental and intimidating. Here are a few ways that can help settle your nerves down and put forward prompts on how to take the conversation forward: Create a safe space Begin by gently explaining and accepting that attraction and having romantic thoughts about the opposite or same sex is completely normal. In India, often such conversations meet with shame and suspicion; therefore, it’s important that we give our children a safe space where they can open up to you about their feelings. Use gender-neutral terms Rather than assuming who your teenager is attracted to, use gender-inclusive language. That will allow the teen to place trust in you as a parent and will allow easy flow of communication. Make sure to have this conversation in private to protect the vulnerable feelings your teen may be feeling at the time. Explain the difference between infatuation and love As the teenager grows, the touch of the opposite or same sex can generate curiosity and the urge to explore. It is at this stage that it’s significant to make your child understand that infatuation involves goosebumps, butterflies in the stomach, impulsive urges to take the first step, while love is something that builds slowly, encapsulating warmth, joy, trust that comes with time. Rushing to label relationships can be detrimental as adolescents often attach long-term expectations which may not necessarily culminate into reality. Be respectful and integral It’s quite possible that you may be bewildered by what you may hear from your adolescent, but it’s essential to maintain your calm and show dignity to your child’s opinion and individuality. Validating how they feel fades away the jitters and most likely reinforces your child to turn to you for guidance rather than seeking outside unsolicited advice. Always remember to let your teen talk. It doesn’t matter whether they are right or wrong; it’s more important that they are real with you. Raise your words, not your voice. Lead the way by example At times, what social media portrays as a “goals” relationship where possessiveness is normalized as love, it’s the duty of the parents to draw the line and explain the concept of healthy and unhealthy boundaries. Teenagers will naturally be attracted to vicariously learn through movies, web series, etc., what a healthy relationship may look like, but it’s very likely far from reality. Talk to them about how having appropriate boundaries can cultivate relationships and friendships maturely. Have a healthy, loving environment where your child can learn that having a fight doesn’t mean the end of a relationship, but resolving a fight with compassion and understanding can make things go a long way. Nishtha Grover is a child and adolescent psychologist, and a doctoral research scholar based in New Delhi
