Material Girls

Though there’s so much more pressure to be married in societies like India and China,the US is far better equipped to come up with suitable matches for its citizens. There are a variety of matrimonial sites and online dating services catering to specifics of every kind,besides the reams of newsprint and TV shows dedicated to sorting out romantic loneliness. Online dating is the norm,not somewhat uncool like it is here. In India,the traditional pundit or family astrologer has lost ground,and many of us belong to the older,and in-between generation that considers looking for love on the internet just plain weird. We’d rather rely on friends and family for set-ups or continue to hope that a love interest will magically fall down from the sky. Though it’s changing with the younger lot,for city-based,corporate type 30-year-olds,registering yourself on a matrimonial portal still means you’ve hit rock bottom. The cultural resistance to matrimonial websites runs deep,even though shaadi.com claims to have matched two million people so far and you can choose a prospective partner based on 23 different factors,including income group. Surely someone should fit the bill.

Not much has changed in the 200-something years since Leo Tolstoy wrote War and Peace and Jane Austen famously said in Pride and Prejudice that a single man in possession of a fortune must be in need of a wife. In the 1950s,Marilyn Monroe dished out some funny,non-serious advice in How to Marry a Millionaire,and surreally,now there are schools on how to snag a billionaire. After last week’s blackout it seems unfair to compare India to China,which is clearly leap years ahead of us,but socially,we still have a lot in common,mostly the obsession with marriage and weddings.

But other than wedding planning,we haven’t cashed in on the bigger industry of marriage like our neighbour. An enterprising 42-year-old Chinese woman who herself married a millionaire,has started a flourishing school and is passing on tips to younger girls on bagging the right man. The approach is refreshingly straightforward and an acknowledgement that a woman who desires to marry a rich man is doing nothing wrong. Among her several ideas on lassoing men,one is that girls should choose seats carefully while meeting a prospective mate,so that the light illuminates them in a flattering way.

Another tip is to frequent billionaire hang-outs. Her advice is pretty pedestrian but considering her own success,and the fact that students see merit in it,maybe we should reconcile to the depressing truth that this is exactly what men want. Her school’s USP is that her course also provides opportunities for girls to meet rich men. Another perspective on China’s mercantilist society,is the hugely entertaining book Shanghai Girls: Uncensored & Unsentimental: How to Marry Up and Stay There,where author Mina Hanbury-Tenison coolly dissects modern Chinese women and the reigning sentiment of materialism. From the perspective of old school believers in romantic love,the account is a little unsettling. Unfortunately,there is no corresponding data available on the success of marriages that began with strategic agendas.

I’m convinced,if a similar school would come up in India,it would be overwrought with applications. Except,here the proprietor would have to deal with a series of public brickbats and outraged socialist types with big bindis and Fabindia kurtas who would hold forth on degraded moral values. Shaadi.com experimented with offline services in matrimony with mixed success. Maybe the timing isn’t right yet,but we’re heading there. When check boxes become harder to tick and the return on investment on a marriage could be a deal breaker,a school providing wily advice,may simplify things.

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