The bambini were meraviglioso!

Mi scusi, please forgive me, for being tardi in writing to you, dearest Mamma, but tua figlia, your daughter, has not got a momento for herself these past two months. Verismo! Truly! We have been molto occupato, very busy indeed, talking to Our people on the need to throw the BJP into the acqua, water!

Tu figlia is in full battaglia, battle, gear. We conquered Western UP last month and now We have conquered Eastern UP over the last few days. Mamma, you should have seen the gente, the people, who turned up to greet Us — cento mila, 100,000 of them, wanting to give Us fiore, flowers; to touch Our hands; to talk to Us. It was molto magnifico. They may be the great unwashed but they love us dearly. The idiotas in Delhi, our political enemies, should have been there to see them. They would have got an attacco cardinco, a heart attack, verismo! The way the gente shouted, ‘‘Pichli baari Atal Behari/ Abki baari, bahu hamari’’ — which means that last time it was Atal Behari, this time it is our nuora’s, our daughter-in-law’s, chance. And We spoke to them in Hindi, Mamma, we spoke to them from our cuore, heart, without a script! Our Hindi is now molto bono, very good. Those idiotas, our enemies, attempt to make fun of Us by calling Us a Reader, not Leader. We’ll show them who is the vero, the true, leader, we’ll show them what stuff We are made of.

We are also wooing the media gente, and they are all eating from Our hands. They were full of congratulazioni, congratulations, for your daughter’s performance. Spesso, often, they ask difficile, difficult, questions. But We have Our Answers. When they ask about Us being Italiano, We say: ‘‘Jis din main Indiraji ke ghar bahu ke roop mee aayi, usi din main Bharatiya bani’’ — which means the giorno, the day, We became Indiraji’s nuora, that giorno We became Indiano. Then they ask about Rahul and Priyanka and talk about dynasty. And We told them to look at the other dynasties — the Abdullahs in Kashmir, the Devi Lal-Chautala in Haryana, Karunanidhi-Stalin in Tamil Nadu. So why do they pick on Our poor bambini? We said this and then We walked away. Sometimes, non mi vagiu, We can’t stand them, but in politics We have to talk to the media so that they are gentile to us and project us on the televisione.

But Our bambini are truly brilliant, verismo. You should have seen Rahul and Priyanka in Amethi on the televisione. They were meraviglioso, wonderful! No c’e chedire, no doubt about it, they are natural rulers. So many called me to congratulate me on my children. Si, si. By the way, We’ve heard that the silly Maneka and Varun are planning to join the BJP to stand against Us. Si figuri, just imagine! We really had a good laugh when We heard this! There is just no competizione. We would advise Maneka to join a gatto-cane party, a cat-dog party, for best results! As for Varun, Our Rahul is so educato, so polite, so intelligente, he will have that Varun for colazione, for breakfast!

Verismo, Rahul reminds Us of dear, dear Rajiv. Tutti, everybody, thinks so. Yes, Mamma, almost forgot to tell you, dear, dear Rajiv has been exonerated by the court on the Bofors affairi, which has gone on for sedici anni, 16 years, now. But those goons, Rajiv’s political enemies, still want to attack Us over it! But we’ll fight them like a tigre for daring to tarnish my marito’s bello memory, you can be sure.

Got to go now. They want Us to pose for more fotografia for Our campaigno and then We have to practise Our lines. Meanwhile, Mamma, prepare yourself to become the mamma of the next prime ministero of India but don’t tell anyone, qualsiasi persona, about it until it happens. We need to an dare coi peidi di piombo, act with caution this time.

Ciao for now,

Ti amo, Sonia