Percentage wise

Having seen at least two pay commissions in government service, one learns to be philosophical about their recommendations.

Having seen at least two pay commissions in government service, one learns to be philosophical about their recommendations. The actual raise rarely lives up to the hopes. Yet, the first figures released by the sixth pay panel report were so euphoric that one got carried away momentarily. Why momentarily? Well, read on.

8220;A 40 per cent pay hike! I think I should place the order straightaway,8221; one exclaimed that morning.

8220;Order for what?8221; my wife asked.

8220;For the new golf set that you said I could buy from the arrears of pay. I8217;m tired of those meaningful smirks that my worn-out clubs elicit from the caddies.8221;

8220;Don8217;t count the chicks before they are hatched! This figure is about across-the-board hike on the basic pay. How much does it amount to on your gross pay?8221; my wife asked.

8220;Let8217;s say about 30 per cent!8221;

8220;Not quite! The 5 per cent extra HRA doesn8217;t apply to us because we live in a government flat.8221;

8220;Yeah, but even that leaves a good 25 per cent hike.8221;

8220;Of that 30 per cent would go straight to income tax8221;.

8220;Okay, but 17 per cent is no small number.8221;

8220;Adjust it against 6.5 per cent inflation rate.8221;

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8220;Fine! But even an 11.5 per cent raise would be a nice pile at my basic pay.8221;

8220;Don8217;t forget the 8.5 GDP growth rate.8221;

8220;Hey, don8217;t try to drown me in your percentages! How8217;s that relevant here?8221;

8220;It is! When you take that into account, 3 per cent is all you will have, by way of net raise, relatively speaking. How much would that amount to, in terms of arrears of your pay?8221;

8220;Er, about Rs 10,000!8221;

8220;That8217;s the amount that can be reasonably spared. Sorry, you can8217;t buy a new golf set with that. In any case, you8217;ll have no time for golf now because they are also reducing the public holidays.8221;

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8220;You don8217;t worry about that. I8217;ll play on weekends,8221; one pleaded. She thought for a while and said, 8220;I have a suggestion. Why don8217;t you buy a brand new putter?8221;

8220;You must be joking?8221;

8220;No, I8217;m not! Take the offer and you can still hope to lower your handicap. Didn8217;t you say putting is 50 per cent of golf?8221; she said, leaving one speechless.

Moral: Don8217;t trust a lady when she says mathematics was her weak spot.