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Journalism of Courage
No golden sunsets, no bed-head to run your fingers through or impromptu feasts to whip up. Increasingly, brave couples are transcending traditional boundaries, and finding that long-distance love can work to their advantage.
In this world, space is no bar. Couples live apart, pursue different career paths, yet their bond grows stronger every year. Like doctors Vijaya Patil and her husband Bhimrao. 8220;I am more famous than he is and he revels in my achievements. I earn more, and have a bigger car, but money is never an issue with us,8221; says Vijaya, an acclaimed obstetrician and gynaecologist, who8217;s a well-known figure on the Asian circuit. She lives in a plush six-room flat in Mumbai. Though married for 40 years, she and her husband have lived apart since 1985.
Couples like the Patils are more common than you think. They keep in regular touch with each other through e-mails, SMS and the phone. Anniversaries, birthdays and other special occasions are always spent together and schedules are juggled adroitly to facilitate this. Sex becomes a 8220;once in a while8221; activity, reserved for those times when they do meet.
8220;No fights, no arguments,8221; is the unspoken rule in the Chaudhary household. Seema, 30, a lecturer in Political Science at Ghaziabad, a suburb of Delhi, is married to Pramod, a senior engineer with the Merchant Navy. 8220;I was ready to compromise on staying away from him rather than be without him,8221; is how Seema sums up their separation.
Life for the Baruas, Neeta, 45, and Abhimanyu, 56, though one long romantic interlude, is also fraught with the tensions of separation. 8220;We long to see each other and there is always this thread of excitement between us. I still blush when I see him,8221; giggles Neeta, a freelance writer. Currently, the Baruas are together, vacationing in Scotland. They have two children Armaan and Jyoti, who live alternately with each parent.
Mahesh Mhatre, 35, and Sumedha Raikar-Mhatre, 34, have lived apart for a year now. The Mumbai-based part-time lecturer and journalist is not only glad about the space he has given her but says it has helped them grow. 8220;He is flowering there and I here. Mahesh can concentrate solely on his career without being bogged down,8221; Sumedha announces confidently. 8220;I love him for the time and space he has given me.8221; It8217;s a sentiment echoed by her husband who is the editor of the Vidharba edition of the Marathi daily Sakal in Nagpur.
Of course, the lack of physical intimacy is a big hurdle. 8220;I often crave to be physically satiated,8221; confesses Neeta. Spouse Abhimanyu too would love regular sessions in the sack. 8220;Given the situation, it8217;s easy to have an extra-marital affair but frankly we8217;re not interested. Our daily phone chats help let off some steam,8221; he says.
The couple work hard at their relationship. Despite a full diary as an industrialist, Abhimanyu never misses the opportunity to send some 8220;love whispers8221; his words across to Neeta. 8220;She is very practical so I more than make up in the romance department. I look out for new things in the market, anything from chocolates to lingerie. This is probably what keeps the magic alive,8221; says Abhimanyu.
The Mhatres keep their love going through surprise telephone calls and mushy cards. 8220;He often sends me flowers without revealing his identity. I keep getting these gifts from him. It8217;s really exciting that despite his hectic schedule Mahesh has time to pick up those little things that matter,8221; says Sumedha.
Pramod says he respects his wife8217;s ability to lead a single lifestyle. 8220;Living independently has made her a stronger person. Seema has refused to stay with her parents while I am away. She is comfortable living alone,8221; he says. Interjects Seema: 8220;It is not a one-day thing. I don8217;t want to be dependent on my parents or anyone. They are all there for me but at the end of the day I manage alone. Besides, I8217;m the blue-eyed girl of the house in Pramod8217;s absence.8221;
Seven years of marriage have made 32-year-old Payal Sharma strong enough to leave behind her husband Sanjeev for the call of duty. 8220;The children are with me and I don8217;t worry about whether my husband may be attracted to other women. I know that in the long run he will be there for me,8221; she says. Adds an unperturbed Sanjeev: 8220;Marriage has changed me completely. Faith and love are its by-products. I believe that each partner in a marriage complements the other.8221;
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When Vijaya and husband Bhimrao decided to live apart, it didn8217;t entail long evenings with heated discussions. 8220;We just decided and that8217;s that. The children lived in Mumbai and he came down every weekend. He always stressed individuality and encouraged me to take my own decisions. For the two of us, our individual lives are very important,8221; says the lady who went on to become one of the most sought-after doctors in the city.
Though the couples live apart, when it comes to the children, decisions are never taken in isolation. 8220;The child8217;s birthday is sacred for us, we are together on that day,8221; says Sumedha. 8220;I don8217;t mind the rigours of daily life when he is not around. But it is the parent-teacher meetings at our son8217;s school which I struggle with. The school insists that we attend it together which is not possible.8221; She8217;s had to make some changes on the work front too. 8220;No morning phone chats or morning jobs for me. That time is reserved exclusively for my son,8221; says Sumedha.
The Patils call themselves a 8216;web family8217;. Vijaya chats with her husband, son Amar and daughter Pranoti both are in the UK everyday via the web, e-mails, net chat, SMS or landline. A practice which is also followed by the other couples.
So does that fact that your spouse is not peering over your shoulder everyday, allow you to dress easy? 8220;No,8221; says Neeta, a sentiment echoed by Vijaya. 8220;I look at myself in the mirror and what I see must be pleasing to my eyes,8221; Vijaya announces. For Abhimanyu and Neeta too, living apart has only honed their style sense. 8220;We both love dressing up,8221; says Abhimanyu. 8220;So when we meet it is a pleasure to see how lovely Neeta looks.8221;
