Mom8217;s The Word

Besides, I have homework,8217; she8217;d tell me stubbornly.

Finally, the breakthrough took place a few months later. The details were unclear. But one evening, I found her dressing enthusiastically. I8217;m going to play,8217; she announced happily. I made no comment. A few minutes later, I looked out of the window and saw her playing chor-police with the usual group. I could also see Arundhati at a short distance playing with her friends. Things seemed to have gone back to normal. Back to the good old days when for an hour or two, the house would be comparatively quiet and I8217;d be left in peace for at least a few minutes, knowing the girls were having fun in the park right under my nose. When Anandita came up, she was hot and flushed and sweaty. She looked deliriously happy. Everybody is talking to me now8217;, she said triumphantly. Good,8217; I replied. After a few minutes I asked, How did you make up?8217; She sat down, sighed deeply, rolled her eyes and explained. See, it was like this. You know that girl with the long hair and pink clips? The one who lives on the sixth floor?She was the one who started it.8217; How?8217; I wanted to know. She had decided that she would be the leader every evening and for each game. She forced us to listen to her. She made all the rules. She also changed the rules when she got out. Was that fair?8217; I kept quiet and let her talk. I didn8217;t like that at all. So8230; I told her that we should take turns being leaders. One day, it could be her, and the next day it could be me. I also wanted to be the leader. She refused and threw me out of the gang.8217;

I was very amused and in an effort to make a joke of the leadership issue, I asked, But if all of you want to be leaders who will be the followers? You can8217;t have leaders without followers,8217; Anandita stared at me and said coldly, Some children like being the leader. Others like being followers. I wanted a chance to be a leader too. If the others didn8217;t like me, I wouldn8217;t have forced myself on them. But at least they should have given me the chance. That girl didn8217;t want to give anybody a chance. And all the others were too scared to say anything to her. She wasn8217;t a real leader, she was a bully.8217; What had changed, in that case? How come they8217;d accepted Anandita back into the fold? I decided enough was enough. I wanted to play with all of them again. So I went down and told them what I felt. I said, give me one try. At first they didn8217;t want to listen. They told me to go away. I refused to. I told them, I have come here to be your friend. I want to be everybody8217;s friend. We should all be friends. Andwhoever wants to be the leader should be allowed one chance at least.8217; So they listened to you?8217; I asked. Not at the beginning. They said, 8220;We have our gang rules. If you don8217;t like them, you don8217;t have to play with us.8221; I kept quiet and joined the game. After half-an-hour I told them to vote if they wanted that same girl or me. And they voted for me. Finished. Now we are friends. No problem.8217;This was wonderful. If only our politicians thought like children.

That brings me to Aditya. It was his first job interview. I was nervous; he wasn8217;t. Have you prepared for it?8217; I asked. I8217;ve read the papers. I8217;ve dressed in appropriate clothes. What else?8217; Answer properly. Take your time. It8217;s better to think a little rather then just start blabbing.8217; I instructed. Don8217;t worry, Mother,8217; Aditya said casually, I8217;ll do fine.8217; Three hours later, the phone rang and I pounced on the instrument. How did it go?8217; I asked eagerly. Good. Fine,8217; he replied. Did you answer clearly? I hope you weren8217;t nervous or anything. No mistakes, no stuttering8230;.?8217;Relax, Mother. It went fine8217;. Aditya sounded a little exasperated. What did they ask you? How many people were there on the panel? Were they tough? Give me an example8230;8217; He was obviously not in the mood to recreate the entire interview. But seeing my persistence, he probably thought the easiest way to get me off his back was to repeat at least one of the several questions. I was asked, Are you a leader or a follower?8221; Aditya informed me. I swooped instantly. And8230; and8230; what was your reply?8217; I said, Depends on the situation.8221; I was dismayed. What does that mean? Oh God! How could you say something like that? Why didn8217;t you answer directly?8217; There is no direct response to that, Mother.

I told the panel, in a situation where the other person knows far more than I do, I would follow him. But if the situation were reversed, I would expect the others to follow me. See?8217; I was suitably impressed. But then, I was the candidate8217;s mother, not his future employer. A few days later he got the call we were or at any rate, I was waiting for. I don8217;t know if it was Aditya8217;s response to that one simple question that worked in his favour. But my heart was bursting with pride when he got his appointment letter. It was as if I had got the job. Like I had passed an important and difficult test. But I had also learnt another lesson from my children: two interesting perspectives, or call them rudimentary lessons, on leadership and responsibility.

Yours thoughtfully,
Mama

Speedpost by Shobha De, published by Penguin Books India Ltd, Rs 250