Debina Bonnerjee, Gurmeet Choudhary share glimpse of their ‘vastu’ compliant home, question societal bias toward having daughters: ‘Mujhe bachpan me roka jaata tha…’

Continuing, Gurmeet said, “Even that time, I felt that our society judges us a lot. Frankly, we didn’t think anything of that sort. For us, it was our kid. But I got so many calls from friends and family saying…ek aur beti huyi hai. Unki baaton se samajh aaraha tha ki this is the case with us…imagine the pressure on so many families, so many mothers for sons. I think, whatever child you receive, that’s your best…whether girl child or boy child.”

 

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Stressing that they see their daughters as a “blessing,” a teary-eyed Debina recalled the restrictions placed on her as a girl despite having the most “liberal parents”. She said, “Mujhe bachpan me roka jaata tha, baahar nikal rahe ho…aise kapde mat peheno…even for plain jeans…iss tarike se behave mat karo, aise mat bolo…I have the most liberal parents…but log lajja bol kar…kyunki main beti thi (Even plain jeans were frowned upon. Was told to speak in a certain way, avoid going out at certain times… only because I was a girl).”

Taking a cue from their heart-wrenching revelation, let’s understand the psychology behind such thinking.

Every time a parent has to explain, justify, or emotionally process the birth of a daughter, it exposes a truth we are reluctant to confront. Agreeing that while our laws may have evolved, and our education levels may have risen, psychotherapist Delnna Rajesh said that the collective subconscious around gender has barely moved. “When educated people offer ‘consolation’ after the birth of a second daughter, they are not being malicious. They are being honest reflections of deep-rooted conditioning. This is not about cruelty. This is about unconscious bias passed down through generations, dressed up as concern, tradition, or practicality,” said Delnna.

According to her, the discomfort society feels around daughters is “rarely loud”. It is subtle and shows up in tone, in jokes, in advice. “What makes this more painful is that this conditioning often survives even in homes that call themselves liberal. Many parents truly believe they treat sons and daughters equally, but equality is not just about education or opportunity. It is about emotional permission. It is about freedom of expression. It is about not making a girl responsible for protecting family honour with her body, clothes, voice, or choices,” said Delnna.

The real damage does not come from one comment. It comes from repetition. “When a girl repeatedly hears that sons are celebrated, protected, or preferred, she does not rebel immediately. She adapts, shrinks, and becomes hyper-aware. She tries to be ‘good enough’ to compensate for something she never lacked. This is why the pressure on women to ‘produce sons’ still exists, even in urban, educated families. It is not about lineage alone. It is about validation. About status. About escaping judgment. The cost of this thinking is carried silently by women across generations,” shared Delnna.

So, what can parents actually do when society behaves this way?

*Parents must stop explaining their daughters to the world. Every time you justify having a girl, you reinforce the idea that justification is required. Confidence is contagious. Silence, too, is a response.
*Parents must correct people, calmly and consistently. Not with anger, but with clarity. A simple “We feel blessed” is enough. Repetition rewires conversations.

*Children must never overhear adults tolerating discriminatory remarks.
*Parents must actively celebrate their daughters. Not by comparing them to sons, but by celebrating their existence without qualification. *Language matters. Tone matters. Reaction matters, shared Delnna.