Main aur mere Superhero

While wewere at Fashion Street there was a commotion as hundreds of people had gathered. They couldn’t believe their eyes and I don’t blame them — after all such a spectacle doesn’t happen every day. The BEST buses were actually stopping at their bus stops! I even overheard people saying, "Wah! Aaj to chamatkaar ho gaya hai. Sub BEST bus stop mein ruk rahe hain, aur woh bhi time par." I even overheard a couple of people, who recognised me, saying, "Dekho Sajid Khan. Par uske saath woh lal chaddiwallah joker kaun hai?" I think Sup heard this and flew off, telling me he had to participate in a race with Kaalia the Crow, as Kaalia the Crow has just been released from his contract with Polygram, after Jhooth Bole Kauva Kaate. As soon as he took off I heard people saying: "Is it is bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s ATN’s new satellite dish."

Just then, I got a call on my mobile from Batman asking me if I had seen Robin. I told him I had not seen Robin Singh in the team for a while,but he was a good batsman. Now this is one mistake you should never make with Batman. Never ever tell him that Robin (Singh) is a very good bat(s)man because history has taught us that Robin is Batman’s sidekick. When I got home, Tarzan was waiting for me on the nearest tree. He wanted my advice.

You see, Tarzan’s wife, whom we lovingly call bhabhiJane instead of bhabhijaan, was missing. And he suspected Korak. But please korak me, if I am wrong, isn’t Korak supposed to be Tarzan’s son? Well I incested’ on knowing his family tree, correctly. After much explanation, we came to the conclusion that Tarzan should be the new model for Zen. I told him it was high time he chose between the Zen, or bhabhiJane, as both would take him for a ride.

Just as I was about to take a much-deserved nap, I saw Spiderman outside my window. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he just likes to hang out. Now Spidey and I go back a long way. I remember the time when we went and saw 1942, ALove Story together. I came out singing, Ek ladki ko dekha and he came out singing Ek makdi ko dekha.

We had lunch together, where he told he was getting computer friendly and was planning to start his own website, soon. I ate sarson ka saag and he had makkhi in his roti. And corn on the cob(web). Now, Spiderman had a point when he said that today’s superheroes were not doing anything about the present situation of the country. He said the population has to be controlled and he made me listen to the words of his new song — Spiderman was going to be a third millennium hero, Condomman. His new theme song goes like this (sung to the tune of the old Spiderman theme song):

Condomman, Condomman,

Does whatever a condom can,

Any colour, any size,

Look out, here comes the Condom man.

In the backseat, while in heat,

Sweaty bodies, trembling feet,

Boy and girl get a fright,

But I am there to set things right,

Condomman,Condomman,

Does whatever a condom can,

Look out, here comes the Condom man.

After hearing this song, I had no option but to push him out. In any case, I had another appointment. This time with Phantom. Pop quiz: Which 1973 film, starring Ashok Kumar and Pran was supposed to have Phantom as the hero? Answer: Victoria 203. Phantom was supposed to be Ashok Kumar and Pran’s fan who stands behind the tum tum. But he left as he thought it would be bad for his name — Phan-tum. Did you know that Phantom is very fond of music video director Ken Ghosh? Especially when Ken goes for a walk on the beach, as then he becomes the Ghosh to walks.

You know, the strange part is when I told my friends about my encounters with these super heroes, they told me, "To usme kaun si nayi baat hai? Woh hum log ko roz milte hain." In fact, one of my friend’s uncles is Chacha Chaudhury and his watchman’s name is Bahadur.

Friends, I would love to tell you more, but I have to run. I think someone hastipped off the Thane Mental Hospital that I am here. See you next month. Sajid Khan is still running loose.