‘HIV widows’ rediscover life

Like Rukmani, who married HIV-positive V. Vijayan, a textile shop owner in Theni, at a public ceremony last month, many more ‘‘HIV widows’’ in rural Tamil Nadu are waiting to walk down the aisle again. As the number of young ‘‘HIV widows’’ swell in the state, in the past few months, at least six HIV-positive couples have tied the knot in Theni and Dindigul districts.

‘‘Most of the HIV-postive women are young widows, in their 20s, with small children. They require moral and emotional support,’’ says Pitchaimani, executive secretary of the Network of Positive Peoples in Theni.

In Theni, a district with high incidence of HIV, there are at least 300 ‘‘HIV widows’’. With no support from their families, most of these young women ‘‘become vulnerable to sexual exploitation’’, and thereby increase the risk of the spread of HIV.

‘‘Bringing together a HIV-positive widow and a HIV-positive man will help check the spread of AIDS, apart from bringing happiness to their lives. And that is why we actively encourage it,’’ says A. Paulraj, president of the Dindigul HIV Positive Society.

Before the wedding, the couple is given a ‘‘list of dos and donts’’. Use condoms and avoid frequent intercourse, preferably once a fortnight, they are told. Also, the support groups for HIV-positive people do not let the couples ‘‘rush into the marriage’’. ‘‘The crucial part is counselling the families of the bride and the groom. For, without a commitment from their families, the girl’s position becomes vulnerable after the man’s death,’’ points out Pitchaimani. So the NGOs ensure that the groom’s family bequeath ‘‘some property to the girl and we encourage them to go public about their HIV status’’.

However, as 40-year-old Paramasivam who married the 28-year-old HIV widow with two children, says: ‘‘It is not an easy task.’’ When he returned to his village, Palasamudiram, after his marriage, he was ostracised by the villagers. ‘‘Things improved’’ only when a police complaint was filed.

Rukmani, too, rues the media glare on her second marriage. Her husband’s family is now refusing to part with his share of the property. But Vijayan says: ‘‘Despite all the problems, I am happy I married an HIV-positive girl. Before I die, I have the opportunity to give happiness to a girl and a child.’’