Divorced from reality

Only a few weeks ago, Paul and Heather journeyed all the way to the furthest reaches of Canada to make some point about the annual seal cull.

Only a few weeks ago, Paul and Heather journeyed all the way to the furthest reaches of Canada to make some point about the annual seal cull. Imagine their despair to find that far from being able to make the last hours of the condemned pup they met more bearable 8212; gently but firmly insisting that it cancel its initial last meal request fish in favour of the vegetarian option 8212; the tender moment was punctuated by the clicking of camera shutters as the gathered media conveyed their message back to the world.

If they can8217;t spend quality time together on an ice floe, you have to ask if true love amounts to a hill of mung beans in this crazy world.

In the old days, if you wanted a third party for the purposes of divorce proceedings, you went to Brighton, you checked into a louche hotel, you had your evidence. These days you just point accusingly at the Sun8230;

When Boris Becker split from his wife Barbara, the couple cited 8220;media pressure8221; as responsible, which resumably forced huge payouts from bookies who8217;d predicted it would be because of his knocking up that woman in a restaurant broom cupboard. The same excuse came from Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, and you can see why. After all, what is 8220;media pressure8221; if not publishing pictures of Ben covered in lapdancers, accompanied by one of the strippers8217; accounts of what had happened just moments after they were taken? Media Pressures were also cited by: the Hamiltons when it seemed to be taking an awfully long time to sell their house and pay their legal bills; Alan Sugar when he sacked Christian Gross as Spurs manager; Prince Edward when explaining why his production company Ardent had failed to secure big TV commissions. For me, though, the most poignant instance will always be Linford Christie blaming his retirement from athletics on them, because it came so soon after he had got good aged about 37.

Were it not for these wretched pressures, then, there is no doubt Boris and Barbara and Ben and Jennifer would still be together, the Hamiltons would be several rungs up the property ladder, the immensely talented Christian Gross would be parading the European cup round White Hart Lane, Prince Edward would be controller of BBC1, and a mysteriously short-tempered but ever more musclebound Linford Christie would be carrying a nation8217;s hopes all the way to the Beijing Olympics. And Heather and Paul would still be a campaigning couple8230;

Excerpted from a comment by Marina Hyde in 8216;The Guardian8217;, May 20