Jaya Bachchan, often criticised for her stern responses to the paparazzi, once shared her thoughts on "bad manners," emphasising that addressing someone as "Tu, Tum" is derogatory. "Bad manners for me would be a big red flag. Ek cheez jo mujhe bahut buri lagti hai jab log 'tu, tum' karke baat karte hai.chahiye kisse se bhi ho.Aapne kabhi mujhe nana ko tum se baat karte huye suna hai? (One thing that really upsets me is when people address others with 'tu', 'tum', or whatever it may be. Have you ever heard me using 'tum' for your grandfather?) I think these things require conscious efforts, which your generation doesn't do," the Guddi actor told granddaughter Navya Naveli Nanda and daughter Shweta Bachchan on her YouTube podcast in 2024. Taking a cue from this confession, let's understand whether how we address someone makes any difference. Words build or break bonds. Respect doesn’t begin in grand gestures. "It begins in the way we address, acknowledge, and speak," said Delnna Rrajesh, psychotherapist, energy healer and life coach. "We often underestimate how much the way we speak becomes the culture we pass down. If we speak with sharpness, our children absorb that as normal. If we interrupt, dismiss, or use commanding tones under the guise of 'just being casual,' we unknowingly plant seeds of emotional distance. When someone says 'Tu' instead of 'Aap' in close relationships, it’s not always disrespectful. But when tone carries entitlement, command, or indifference, the relationship begins to erode," shared Delnna. As a therapist, she reiterated having seen this happen silently. "The parent who constantly feels disrespected by their adult child. The spouse who starts to shrink from conversations because they don’t feel spoken to, they feel spoken at. The child who begins to mirror the same sharpness in school or with friends," shared Delnna. So, here are a few real-world, practical ways to build respectful communication: *Start with “aap” when in doubt. Even if your culture or family is informal, beginning with gentleness sets the tone. *Watch your tone, not just your words. “Please” doesn’t work if it’s laced with sarcasm. *Never correct someone in public. Respect means preserving dignity, especially when the other is vulnerable. *Avoid commands. Use requests. Replace “Do this” with “Can you please help me with…?” *Acknowledge, don’t assume. "Just because someone is younger or close doesn’t mean they owe you informality," said Delnna. *Model what you want to see. If you interrupt, shout, or disregard, expect that energy to echo back at you eventually. *Repair when you slip. A genuine “I’m sorry for the way I said that” can heal more than you imagine. In the end, the greatest way to teach values to the next generation is not by lecturing them, but by living them. "Your children won’t remember every piece of advice but they will remember how you made them feel," said Delnna.
