‘Everything sags’: Shefali Shah on growing old and how ‘there is a switch that goes off…’

But why does crossing a milestone age often trigger reflection or regret?

According to Dr Arpita Kohli, a psychologist and counsellor at Delhi’s PSRI hospital, “Reaching a milestone age — such as 30, 40, or 50 — often makes people reflect on their life choices, achievements, and unfulfilled goals. It serves as a psychological checkpoint where individuals evaluate whether they are where they ‘should’ be according to social or personal expectations.”

When there’s a gap between one’s aspirations and current reality, it can lead to regret or a sense of lost time. This is a natural emotional response linked to self-evaluation and the human desire for purpose and accomplishment, Dr Kohli continued.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Shefali Shah (@shefalishahofficial) 

Can we call it emotional fatigue?

It can be either, depending on the person’s mindset and experiences. For some, “not caring” represents emotional maturity — the ability to focus on what truly matters and stop seeking external validation. It reflects inner confidence and self-acceptance. Dr Kohli explained, “However, for others, it may stem from emotional fatigue, disappointment, or burnout, where one withdraws due to repeated stress or unmet expectations. The difference lies in whether the detachment feels empowering or draining.”

Quite often, women struggle to accept their insecurities. “Our struggle with ageing usually comes from emotional and cultural conditioning rather than a lack of awareness. Modern society glorifies youth, beauty, and productivity, making ageing seem like a decline rather than a natural evolution. On a personal level, physical changes can feel like a loss of identity or control, especially when we associate appearance with self-worth,” added Dr Kohli.

While the mind may rationally understand ageing, emotions take longer to adjust, leading to denial or discomfort when facing visible changes.

Developing self-compassion

Developing self-compassion begins with accepting that ageing is not a flaw but a universal experience. Practising gratitude for what the body and mind have carried us through helps shift focus from loss to appreciation. “Mindfulness, therapy, and journaling can also aid in reframing self-critical thoughts. Surrounding oneself with supportive relationships and engaging in activities that foster a sense of purpose — such as volunteering, mentoring, or pursuing creative hobbies — can significantly enhance emotional well-being. Lastly, treating oneself with the same kindness one would offer a loved one is key to ageing gracefully and confidently,” concluded the psychologist.

DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to. Always consult your health practitioner before starting any routine.