When partners get too comfortable to compliment, it starts creating a rift

Take the case of Reema and Aryan. Two years into their marriage, Reema almost went into depression because she felt Aryan did not love her since he would not pay any attention to her. It was only after they consulted a therapist that Aryan became aware of the issue. He had been too busy with his new business and was just not in a state of mind to focus on anything else.

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“It was unthinkable that Reema could read so much into something I had not clue about. I expected Reema to understand that. But I was shocked to know that she wanted me to spend time with her and talk sweet nothings when I had so much on my mind,” he said. But for Reema, it was important to know and feel that Aryan still loved her and cherished her.

“I knew he was busy, but then how much does it take to say a few nice words to your partner, to spend some time with the one you are married to and to make the other person feel that you matter. I am a living being after all and I need to know I am not just another person in the house,” Reema said.

Experts say that sometimes when couples feel too comfortable with one another, they lose sight of the fact that one needs a certain amount of attention to feel significant to the other. They say it is a sign of a healthy relationship to express your love for the partner every once in a while, since it acts as a lubricant in the machine of the relationship. In its absence, resentment sets in for at least one of the partners if not both.

This is what happened with Unnati and Vikas. With a hectic work schedule and two children to take care of, compliments became few and far in between. Gradually, they started feeling the distance creeping in between them. “Initially we would sit together and watch movies, go out and she would laugh a lot with me, which made me feel like she enjoyed being with me and loved my company. But now with the kids and the office work, she would hardly be with me. I felt neglected and unloved,” Vikas would say.

Counsellors say that it’s not about how much time you spend with the other and how often you say things to appreciate your partner. But it’s all about what you say to the partner.

Expressing your love and acknowledging the place your partner has in your life can make all the difference sometimes. If one truly loves and values the partner, then it’s not really too much to ask.