‘Cancer made an artist out of me: Colours freed me from the physical pain of recurrent disease’

The diagnosis hit her hard because she was a textbook case for other women on how to live well after the 50s. “I was very particular about post-menopausal risks in women, be it about the heart or cancer. I never missed my annual mammograms or other screenings. Except that one year (2018) when my grandson was born. There was a two-year gap, a costly error indeed,” says Jayasree. She was diagnosed with grade 1 but the growth was so microbial that the doctors almost missed it till they reconsidered and did a needle-point biopsy. Her gynaecologist referred her to Dr Ramesh Sarin, surgical oncologist at Indraprastha Apollo Hospital.

“Since it was really small, we decided to go for lumpectomy, a partial removal of the breast tissue that hid the cancer. In such a case you have to be also sure of the neighbouring lymph nodes. And since she was over 65, we suggested radiation therapy to lower the chance of the cancer coming back,” says Dr Sarin. Jayasree had 20 sessions of radiation therapy over six weeks. This involves directing high-energy beams such as X rays or protons to kill remnant cancerous cells around the operated area. It leads to skin burns, inflammation and pain, all of which got the usually chirpy Jayasree down. She trained herself to hold her breath to make sure that her heart and lungs didn’t get affected during the therapy. Shorter breath-holds mean lengthening the process and longer ones mean the session could get over faster. Then there were the mental lows of visiting the hospital on and off, wearing lumpy clothes as her torso was sore with pain and swelling. “Why me, I would ask myself as I had ticked off all the boxes in my life. And though the doctors around me kept up my spirit during the sessions, I would be sick when I came back home with little energy left,” says Jayasree, who has trouble eating after her second surgery, complaining of bloating and exhaustion after being on her feet for half-an-hour.

It was only seven months after her first surgery, during the Covid lockdown of 2020 to be precise, that Jayasree decided that she wouldn’t wallow in self-pity or doubt. That’s when she decided to try something she was weakest at, painting, and began from the basics. She would get splitting headaches but she persisted. “I have no shame in admitting that I began with Winnie the Pooh colouring books since they seemed easy enough for me back then. Then I graduated to adult books, read art books that my family got for me, took online tutorials and even signed up for masterclasses. Yes, they were theory and I was always tempted to break format. I did that with my colours. I set up my easel near the dining table, so that I could work whenever I felt like it in the middle of my chores. I began with reproductions, taking pictures of sunset and recreating them. The colours brightened my mood and made me positive. I also learnt to forgive myself and people who had been mean to me. I realised that negative emotions not only pulled me down but made me physically sick. The colours overran my fears, insecurities, questions and doubts,” she says. Her positivity is the reason Dr Sarin shares her story in counselling sessions of survivor groups.

Knowing that there could be a possibility of recurrence on the other breast, Jayasree was very punctual about her check-ups. And the inevitable happened in four years. She was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS). a condition that affects the cells of the milk ducts in the breast. “These turn malignant and there are no specific symptoms such as a lump or breast pain. You can detect them in a mammogram but not always. A distortion of the breast tissue in the scan cannot be overlooked. Some patients have DCIS in more than one quadrant of the same breast. Which is what we noticed in Jayasree. In cases like these or when the DCIS is very large relative to the patient’s breast size, we go for a mastectomy to eliminate malignant cells that are more widespread. Radiation therapy was not needed this time round. Though we all know that life is above everything else, mastectomy does scar a woman’s psyche regardless of any reconstruction you might do,” explains Dr Sarin.

But Jayasree, who had invested so much on her exhibition, chose to get back on her feet. “Life may seem linear in black, white and grey. It is up to you to add the shades and give it layers,” says she.