In the animal world, it’s always usually ladies first!

Boss ladies (Pic source: Ranjit Lal)

In hyena society, it’s the ladies who wear the pants outright – reducing the males to drivelling, snivelling, giggling no-hopers. Even in animal societies, seemingly with male dominance, it’s the ladies who are really calling the shots. With rhesus macaques, the alpha male may think he is lord of all he surveys – and of his harem – but he knows he can only be boss if he panders to his wives whims – and kisses their babies. If they think he’s not worth their time, they’ll ditch him unhesitatingly. Macho male baboons behave brutishly with those wives who they think have played fast and loose, but if the ladies decide he is a creep, then he’s on his own, no matter how fearsomely he bares his teeth. Lady polar bears will make their panting suitors follow them (sometimes, uphill) for days on end on treacherous ice to check out if they have what it takes – and, at the end of that marathon, the exhausted male might have to battle another suitor who has also been put through the ordeal: Nothing but the best for her. In gorilla society, if the wives of a silverback decide that he’s no longer capable of protecting their young, they’ll go with another.

In many animal societies, the males fight – sometimes to the death – for the lady’s affections. Sensibly, in most cases, it’s just a matter of strutting one’s stuff and showing off with razzle-dazzle (“look at my abs! See how high I can leap! Look at these iridescent feathers!”) Both contenders know that if they get injured – that’ll be the end of their quest. In some cases, while two Rambos fight it out a third contender appears on the scene and escorts away the lady (who, by now, is anyway losing interest): “Come, come my dear – you’re too good for those brutes!”

Most animal societies are more liberal than ours: it’s usually the lady who picks the gent she wants to be with, not her father or brothers. Which is why the poor fellow has to show off and dress up to the nines! In some animal societies, not only does the lady decide who she’d like to be with, but also who should actually have her babies! Seahorse couples will dance romantically with each other in the clear waters, tails entwined lovingly, and then the lady will coyly deposit her eggs into her husband’s tummy pouch, where he will fertilise them and look after them until the babies pop out.

Insect and arachnid societies are more ferocious in their approach. A gentleman spider has to be exceedingly careful – and ready to make the ultimate sacrifice. He will approach his chosen one – often ten times his size – with trepidation, often bringing her a silk-wrapped gift (a cockroach say, though one cheapskate jumping spider began bringing his beloved any old rubbish but beautifully gift-wrapped) and dance for her, or strum a soothing refrain on her web with his legs as if playing a harp. Serenaded by his “music” and vibrations, she might just let him have his way with her, but if she regains her wits quickly enough – he’ll be the dinner after the date. The lady praying mantis literally chews off her husband’s head during the honeymoon itself – though some say that this is more a canard to ruin her reputation than actual fact. Or, perhaps, it’s just French kissing gone psychotic.

With some animals, alas, the males are proper boors. I’ve watched with horror, gangs of bright yellow bullfrogs set upon a lady en masse in a pond, almost drowning her. The same sort of thing happened with a gang of hoodlum ducks at the Delhi Zoo. Male fig wasps don’t even wait for their sisters to hatch properly before barging into their larval cases to mate. Male zebra butterflies may lie in wait near a female’s chrysalis, ready to fight each other and pounce, the moment she emerges.

Usually though, with nature, it’s nearly always ladies first. Why else would we reverently call her Mother Nature?

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