When my father, who was suffering from cancer, passed away nearly a year and a half ago, I found myself dealing with shock as well as betrayal. The doctors had said his cancer was not aggressive and that he would be fine for the next 20 years. So, when he left us within two and a half years of his first diagnosis, I felt cheated.
By then, I was already in the middle of pre-production for my sophomore directorial outing, Full Plate. It’s a small independent film set to have its world premiere at the Busan International Film Festival 2025. Even as I was grieving, there were multiple challenges to tackle, especially financial ones. Every day, I thought the shoot wouldn’t actually finish. So, when I found funds while working on its post-production, I thought the worst was over.
I partied on New Year’s Eve. On January 17, 2025, I went to Javed Akhtar and Shabana Azmi’s Khandala home to celebrate his 80th birthday. Three days later, I was hit with the news that I have stage 4 oligometastatic cancer. Obviously, the diagnosis was devastating. I just didn’t know how to react, how to reveal it to my mom, and what to tell my nine-year-old daughter. I was going for doctor’s appointments and tests all by myself.
One day, I just broke down and called my sister Syantani, who lives in New York. “How can you just keep it to yourself? This is the time to reach out to your friends,” she said. From the moment I did that, everything seemed easier. My friends formed a WhatsApp group and took turns to be with me. Often, they decided among themselves who was going to do what. It is not like you undergo one surgery and it’s over. My treatment is still ongoing. I’m undergoing radiation right now. Now, if I need anything, I just put it in the group. I no longer feel that I am alone.
In the group photo that I posted on social media (which features Tanvi Azmi, Dia Mirza, Konkona Sensharma, Sandhya Mridul, Shabana Azmi, Shahana Goswami, Vidya Balan, Divya Dutta, and Richa Chadha), Urmila Matondkar is missing, though she is very much a part of our group of friends. Each of them has been immensely supportive. Shabana ji and Javed sa’ab came over to my place several times to reassure my mom. Shabana ji has even accompanied me to the hospital, and so has Tanvi Azmi. Richa Chadha, in spite of being a new mother, has been supportive. Dia Mirza has taken me to the doctor so many times. Konkona Sensharma and Shahana Goswami got me sports bras. They have also offered to babysit my daughter. She, however, stayed with my sister for four months in New York during my treatment.
While I have this close-knit girl gang, there are also others who have stood by me. Cinematographer Deepti Gupta and Anuradha Shetty, who is a chef, have helped me in so many ways. Actor-producer Sanjay Suri and his wife Ambika, who live close by, are part of my support system too. So is director Onir. So when my mother told me that “you wrote about sisterhood in your post but did not mention the boys,” I jokingly responded that I think of them as sisters.
For Full Plate, which is now complete, apart from writing and directing it, I have also sung a song. Since we had a limited budget, I sang its scratch version. The music director and producers liked it, and so, it was recorded in my voice. Full Plate is about a woman who is Muslim and a homemaker. When her husband meets with an accident and can’t work, she has to step out of their home to earn a living. As she becomes her own person, her husband starts getting insecure. Set in Mumbai, the film explores social norms and traditional mindsets through food, class, and religion, but in a humorous way.
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After going through this experience of cancer treatment and how people around us react to it, I wanted to write about it and dispel some misconceptions. Because I’m not an author, I intend to express my thoughts through a musical play. My co-creator Sharib Hashmi, who is also in my film, has been a caregiver to his wife, who was also diagnosed with cancer. We decided to do something positive out of this experience — something engaging but not preachy. We have already booked a venue for the play in January but are looking at an earlier date.
One thing I want to tell everyone is that cancer, if diagnosed early, is curable. It gets tough later, like in my case. So, it is important to not neglect the signs. However, when there is a community of friends to support you, it becomes slightly easier to fight it. I have received so much love and care in these months. This is non-transactional. All I have is gratitude.
(As told to Alaka Sahani)