R Madhavan says men are ‘confused’ today as even ‘opening doors for women has become offensive’: ‘They learnt it from their parents’

Mentioning that acts of chivalry are now sometimes considered impolite or offensive, he continued, “People like me have to learn the new age way of showing respect. For example, I am used to opening doors in a car for women. I am used to letting them pass before me. I am used to standing up when a woman is standing. That has now become offensive. There are people who say, ‘Please don’t open the door for me.’ It confuses the man. I have heard people saying, ‘Please don’t call me ma’am’ or ‘Please don’t open the door for me; I can open my door’. The man is not tiptoeing between whether or not to do such things. Although they (men) don’t want to be offensive and want to be courteous and well-mannered, chivalry has been redefined now. What I am trying to say is, the person you think is toxic might not actually be trying to be toxic. It might not have been his intention.”

Madhavan also pointed out that while men often believe even their small efforts at growth are magnanimous, it simply isn’t enough, and they still end up offending women one way or another.

Fatima Sana Shaikh on toxic masculinity

Actor Fatima Sana Shaikh, who plays the female lead in Aap Jaisa Koi, meanwhile, maintained that cinema too is changing slowly, particularly as people have become more vocal about such matters. She pointed out, however, that even now, films celebrating toxic characters do get made and end up being celebrated sometimes because audiences feel a connection with them. “But, according to me, if you are making a film featuring a toxic character, you also show that it isn’t right. In a village, if a boy is saying ‘I will throw acid on her’ or ‘If she doesn’t agree to my proposal, I will pull her to the side and slap her into agreeing’, that’s also because he doesn’t know that no means no. That’s (such portrayals) also changing in cinema because society also wants such changes.”

Pointing out that people do get influenced by cinema, she also said that if men are gently made to understand why their actions are wrong, many would learn. Fatima added that it will, however, take time, as conditioning is a deeply rooted phenomenon.