Anurag Kashyap details two years of ‘extreme sickness’, from depression to steroids that wouldn’t let him sleep: ‘And people would expect me to watch their films!’

The filmmaker then detailed how there was a time when he had the “time and energy” and supported “all kinds of independent films.” With time, Kashyap said, people assumed that the filmmaker is obligated to help everyone, with no regard to check if he was even capable to do it.

“What people are not aware and they don’t ask, is what zone are you in. I have gone through two and a half years of extreme sickness, dependency on medicines, I have gone through my whole phase of depression. In a phase like that, you have to prioritise yourself first. So, if I am not physically, mentally, emotionally healed…. If you see my interviews of last years, you will see it is on my face how unwell I was. Even then people come and ask you to read their script.

“I was like, I am on so many steroids that I am unable to sleep and on top of that I sometimes drink whiskey too to numb it. I can’t watch good films. I am watching same old films of mine, I play those because I am familiar with them, the sound of it makes me feel like I am watching a film. Those films which don’t require you to use your mind. I just don’t have the mind space to watch a serious film, so I am watching those action films. I am in that stage and frame of mind and in the middle of that people come to me. I told them that time has past now. There was a time when I was doing these things, because nobody else was. Now there are enough people,” he said.

Anurag Kashyap revealed how a lot of times people started “showing up” at his house unannounced. The filmmaker recalled how a man, who Kashyap didn’t know, once rang his doorbell and said, “I want to show you my film.”

“I didn’t even know him, I told him I might watch it if I feel like, if I have the time but he said, ‘No sir you don’t understand, my father passed away.’ Par mujhe dukh nahi laga. I said I am sorry your father passed away,, but does it mean that I have to watch your film right now? Because I am dealing with a lot of my own sh*t. You have not come here after asking for my time, you just randomly ended up at my door. People would often call me from random numbers or make a powerful person call me, so that I watch their work, cast them or guide them.

“It reached a point where I thought if I keep doing this, when will I write my scripts, find my peace and work? I will give my time on something I fully trust, where I see the other person has always worked hard for it. If I have enabled four films, I have also survived 400 terrible films. When I had the capacity, I would do it, but not anymore. My first priority is I, me myself. I need to fully fix myself, I am in a much better, healthier place. Just let me be for two years, get my energy level and then I will support again. My cup is half empty, what will I make you drink? I myself am thirsty now,” he added.

On the work front, the filmmaker is awaiting the theatrical release of his next film Kennedy, starring Rahul Bhat and Sunny Leone. The film is likely to release this year.