This IPS officer’s UPSC journey will remind you of Manoj Kumar Sharma of ‘12th Fail’

A resident of Uttar Pradesh’s Basti district, the seeds for Yadav’s dream to clear CSE were sown by his father when he was a child.

“I did not know about the UPSC CSE during my childhood. I only knew that development projects, government initiatives, and every law and order responsibility were vested in a collector (as my parents used to say) of the district. Since then, I wanted to be a collector to ease the pain of my neighbourhood and the country at large,” Yadav, who secured the 454th rank, said.

UPSC CSE: The 2023 UPSC rank holder is undergoing his training at the SVPNPA Hyderabad (Image source: X/ @IPSbajrangpy)

While speaking to indianexpress.com, Yadav, 25, said during his childhood, he was fascinated with the role collectors play. Since Uttar Pradesh’s Basti was a flood-affected region, he said he got to know that flood reliefs, rations etc were given to the affected people after the district magistrates gave a go-ahead. The knowledge fuelled his determination to become one of them.

Getting a start

Yadav was the first in his family to dream of a job outside the green fields, where his father and his forefathers had worked as farmers. As he finished school in his village and joined high school, he came to know about the UPSC and that it conducted exams for Civil Services.

When in school, Yadav downloaded question papers for the UPSC CSE and started analysing them. After going through the question paper, he gained confidence he would crack UPSC in his first attempt. To understand the syllabus and get a hang of the nature of competitive tests, Yadav sat for many other exams during his graduation days.

After graduating from Allahabad University, he left for Delhi on May 9, 2019, and promised his father that he would come back only after he cleared the civil services exam.

Life in Mukherjee Nagar

His first hurdle was the coaching institute’s fees which was around Rs 1.5 lakh. “Although my father’s income was good and I knew he would able to manage my monthly expenses, he had to sell all the wheat crop for Rs 50,000 to pay the one-time coaching fees,” Yadav said.

Yadav said his monthly expenses were Rs 4,000 to 5,000. “I used to live in a sustainable way in Delhi. I lived in a three-sharing room, cooked my meals, and spent nothing on myself. I walked to the coaching institute. I used to buy new clothes after two or three years,” the UPSC rank holder said about his stay in his room on the sixth floor of the rented flat in North Delhi’s Mukherjee Nagar.

The only things he bought were books and other stationeries, Yadav said.

Pandemic, father’s death, kindness of friends

In 2020, as the pandemic struck, Yadav’s coaching classes switched to online mode and unlike all his batch mates, he decided to stay back in North Delhi.

Just 45 days before the UPSC CSE prelims exam, Yadav’s father was murdered in a land dispute. His mother asked him to stay in Delhi, concentrate on his preparation, and keep the momentum going. He said he focused on his goal, thinking that if he cracked the exam, his father would be the happiest.

Yadav devoted all his time to preparing for the UPSC exam, and he cleared UPSC prelims on the first attempt. However, he could not clear the UPSC CSE Mains.

Yadav said taking coaching classes is not important while preparing for the UPSC exam. He said he would not have enrolled in a UPSC coaching programme if he knew someone who could help him. “I did not have anyone in my vicinity or whom I knew was even a constable. How could I even think of an IAS or IPS to guide me and streamline my preparation?” Yadav said.

Yadav opted for Hindi Literature as his optional subject for the UPSC CSE.

“I did not take any specific coaching for Hindi Literature but asked for photocopies from friends who took coaching. They were kind enough to give me the notes on Hindi Literature,” Yadav said.

Emotional conflicts

After the death of his father, he took his first attempt at the UPSC CSE Prelims. Although he did not go home and was not facing the situation in person, he was emotionally broken down. “It felt like every dream I had dreamt of was brought down to pieces,” Yadav said about his father’s death.

A week before his UPSC main exam, his paternal grandfather died in a road accident. “I knew I would have broken down more if I went home at this point,” Yadav said explaining the reason.

He could not clear the UPSC exam on the first attempt, and during the second, Yadav said he was overconfident and failed to clear the Prelims. For his third attempt, Yadav said he became more alert and started learning from his mistakes. His hard work paid off and he cleared UPSC CSE Prelims and Mains 2022.

But another tragedy struck as he lost his maternal grandfather after his Mains exam was over and the result was declared. Once again, he decided not to go home. It was December 6, 2022, and the UPSC Interview would have started in January 2023. He said had he gone home, his emotional condition would have deteriorated.

“When we are about to reach a destination, insecurities loom at large. Maybe it was my insecurities that barred me from going home and dealing with the conflicts which were already hovering in my unconscious mind,” he said.

‘The biggest exam’

Yadav said he looked up to IAS officer Varun Baranwal, who is from Maharashtra’s Boisar in the Palghar district. Baranwal, whose father worked as a bicycle mechanic and had a small bicycle repair business, inspired him.

For Yadav, people dealing with their lives every day is the toughest test they take. “The biggest exam I feel is not UPSC or any exam. Waking up early is an exam in itself. Doing day-to-day activities and trying to excel in them, is an exam in itself,” Yadav said.

He added that not feeling like studying but still going ahead and trying to overcome a bad habit are equally challenging.

It has not been easy for Yadav who lost most of his near and dear ones during his UPSC journey and cleared the UPSC Interview on his third attempt. “There are some agonies in life that no success can compensate,” the trainee IPS officer said. “Nowhere in my three-year journey, I felt that the failures were taking my goal away from me. I always felt they were taking me a step towards my journey,” he said.

As he dealt with life and struggled with difficult emotions, Yadav said he could not find time to take up any hobby. He used to read The Gita and other religious books to help heal from his sufferings and compete with his mind.

However, he did have a Plan B in mind had he not cleared the UPSC CSE on his third attempt — he would have taught in a college or studied law.

With inputs from Josh Talks (www.joshtalks.com)