Art of Connecting

In one of the many tributes to Sachin Tendulkar,a sports journalist recalled what the legend said when asked how he stays so grounded and keeps it so real,despite the adulation and frenzy surrounding him. Tendulkar simply said,“When I need to relax I meet my childhood friends,the ones who knew me before I became a cricketer playing for India.” Tendulkar’s prodigious talent,a life full of fame and glory lived under the relentless public eye,isolates him more than the rest of us so he values the few relationships he has left that come with no agenda. Recently,Shah Rukh Khan also famously (and cynically) said that he has no friends,but he keeps up with a couple of guys from his time in Delhi’s St. Columba’s School. One of his childhood buddies even had a bit role in his film Main Hoon Na. Rahul Gandhi’s closest friend I’m told,remains someone he’s known since they were both toddlers.

Tendulkar’s much appreciated humility probably stems from these friends who treat him the way they always did. I feel sorry for mega celebrities if they allow themselves to be deprived of this essential connection with other people which in its own way is as important as a romantic relationship. Even though there are many worse things that can happen to you,in my opinion,not having any real friends ranks almost right up there with bankruptcy or ill health. I’m instantly suspicious of people who’ve gone through school and college and haven’t formed one meaningful relationship along the way. Though friendships formed in adulthood can be fulfilling,they tend not to impact your life in the same profound way. There’s been a lot of debate that the era of BFF (best friends forever),the kinds you call in a crisis and share your worst exploits with,is well and truly over. In our time strapped and increasingly superficial world,it’s more about who’s around in your life at that very moment and it’s true,that with hectic work lives and children’s schedules it’s hard to stay in touch with those you really want to. Forget celebrities,there is a small window even for regular folk for making and keeping close friends,and it’s usually school and college where those bonds form. As you hit your 40s,your priorities change,your tolerance levels are not what they were,and you get pickier about who you want to hang out with. Those with whom you have a shared history,even if you no longer have shared interests will always have a special place,because of the decades of invested time.

The best friend has been immortalised in literature and movies,think Harry Potter or Famous Five or more tragically Thelma and Louise,but the meaning of the word ‘friend’ itself has undergone a radical change post Facebook. It’s more loosely applied and can include a vague acquaintance as much as someone you’ve known since you were five. Countless studies prove that friendship enhances well being but it has nothing to do with quantity and everything to do with quality. So the validation of a count of 5,000 online friends or 200 ‘Likes’ isn’t going to improve your life in any significant way.

But an evening out with one friend,will. The greatest challenge to friendship is when spouses or significant others enter the scene. If you don’t like them,the relationship becomes harder to maintain,but it’s worthwhile to try and meet your friend alone. After all you can’t manufacture new old-friends. Ultimately,when you have some exciting gossip to share,there are only a handful of people you know who will react exactly with the enthusiasm you expect and demand,and they’re worth holding on to,no matter what.

Leher Kala

hutkayfilms@gmail.com