Single in Sleaze City

Sen has broadly categorised Delhi men (rather,Indian men) as The Stepford Man — the type with a perfect job,looking for the perfect wife but with no imagination whatsoever,and the MBA — Married But Available,or as the new definition goes: slightly married. A third category is the “Punjab da Puttar”,working in “daddy’s business” that definitely applies to chaps from Delhi where suchlike employment is de rigueur. (If that wasn’t the absolute death knell,the puttars also live with their parents and attend satsangs on Sundays.) Another of Sen’s groupings is the ex-boyfriends,looking to reignite an occasional flame whenever convenient.

Though it is unfair to generalise,Indian men — especially Delhi men — have the unfortunate but almost entirely justified reputation of being a sorry,sleazy lot,who,when they’re not attempting to assault or rob you,will stoop to any lengths to lure you on a date. Sen writes from experience about men who claim to be widowers when their spouses are actually in the pink of health,and men who have no scruples in trying to pass off photographs of their wives on Facebook as their sisters. (It also shows how dimwitted they are if they think that in this digital age they can get away with such blatant lies.) The men she’s talking about are not schizophrenic lunatics but people with regular jobs and seemingly regular lives (read,people like us). Sen is a vivacious,opinionated girl who I’ve known fleetingly for many years. She manages to be scathing and funny. Yet you can’t miss the sneeringly contemptuous tone that creeps in,which makes one wonder that perhaps if she toned it down a little,she may have more success in her dating life.

Having said that,it is a weirdly confusing time for single professional women in their ‘30s in Indian cities. The ‘20s have been devoted to a career and romantic adventurism,the ‘30s to settling down,when the axe on the biological clock is looming right in front. Writer Anita Jain,in her wonderful book Marrying Anita,which is about trying to find a husband in Delhi,says the third word Indian children learn after mummy and papa is shaadi. Despite a surge in alternate lifestyles,marriage remains as important as ever,judging by the dizzying array of flourishing matrimonial websites in India like http://www.shaadi.com and http://www.bharatmatrimony.com,all with million dollar valuations.

So why are so many single,smart working women complaining of a lack of eligible suitors? A single friend tells me men have a larger pool to choose from: their own age group,10 years younger or even 10 years older,while women tend to go for a similar,or older age profile. Another single girl tells me Indian men are uncomfortable with role changes that working women expect when it comes to chores and child rearing,and so go for much younger girls with a more traditional outlook. Another tells me that it’s imperative in India not to cross the “unmarriagable threshold age” that she’s worked out is 30,because all the eligible 30 to 35-year-old men get married by then. And then,the options are only the MBA’s or as Sen puts it,you’re resigned to being single Auntie Rosie from Zubeidaa,with only photo albums and a cat for company.

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