Character Dheela Hai

I suggested to Salman that given the immense popularity of his chart topping song,he should simply walk out bare-chested in the rain,singing,Character geela hai.

Salman grinned and proclaimed that I obviously had a screw dheela somewhere.

I always smile when I hear this cheeky foot-tapping number and marvel at just how emblematic it is of Bollywood’s enfant terrible.

It occurred to me that there are a number of stalwarts in the film industry that can also be categorised in the context of this song.

Character Sheila Hai: These are the assorted item girls of Bollywood that include Munni,Sheila,Razia and Jalebi bai,who sought to set the audiences’ pulse racing with varying degrees of success. Whilst Malaika and Katrina battle it out for the top hot spot,dear old Mallika has to prop up her sagging popularity by releasing a barrage of photos,where she preens and poses with international celebrities. The mark of a true poseur!

Character Neela Hai: Sanjay Leela Bhansali,after the success of Black,decided to go blue with a vengeance. The box-office debacle of his azure-tinted Saawariya resulted in distributors feeling exceedingly blue. Those frontbenchers who expected to watch a true blue movie were in for an even bigger disappointment,as they only got to see Ranbir and not Sonam dropping a bath towel. Sanjay has since not had much success with the youth in Asia,either.

Character Rangeela Hai: Who can forget Aamir Khan in Rangeela,as the colourful Munna? This diminutive dynamo has repeatedly proved to be an actor and marketing guru par excellence. His kitsch item boy boogie to promote Delhi Belly makes him a gloriously technicoloured genius.

Character Peela Hai: Ram Gopal Varma,the man who directed Rangeela,now seems to have developed a rather jaundiced view of the world. Gangsters,murderers,corrupt politicians,cawing crows and evil spirits have wholly possessed Ramu’s imagination and resulted in him making only twisted,macabre films of late.

Character Nasheela Hai: This is not just applicable to all our heroines with their intoxicating good looks,but also to our filmmakers who are often found drunk. Drunk with success and high as a kite (unless,of course,you made Kites).

You have to be tipsy,inebriated,sloshed and hammered beyond belief to be a proud member of an industry where a vast majority of films flop every week.

Let us raise a toast then to those individuals who are completely intoxicated with the smell of celluloid and hopelessly addicted to making movies despite all the uncertainties of this profession. They are the true heroes of Bollywood.

Fahad Samar is a filmmaker,inveterate traveller and intrepid chronicler of society samarofdiscontent@gmail.com