Why retirement puts strain on relationships

Take the case of Arun and Soumya. They had been married for 30 years and they never faced any problem. But after the two retired, they found themselves constantly bickering about small issues.

“I was shocked to see how little we got along, and it surprised me to see that we never realised that earlier since we never got much time together to actually know how different we were. Now the reality hit us both after retirement,” said Soumya.

Some couples also face major problems adjusting to the new routine and new way of life. With too much free time on their hands suddenly, most couples find themselves at a loss, with nothing to do.

This is what happened with Rajesh and his wife Rita. When he retired as a top bureaucrat, he did not know what to do with himself after he sat home.

“All day along he would be either reading the newspaper and sulking or getting irritated with everything about the house. My life became miserable with his constant nagging and interference, and since I was not used to it at all, it put a lot of strain on our relationship,” said Rita Banerjee.

Rajesh, on the other hand, had his own set of grudges.

“After I retired, she barely spoke to me or spent time with me. She also seemed to resent the fact that she could not invite her friends over anymore to gossip the way she used to while I was away at work,” he adds.

Financial issues also play a major role in bursting the marital bubble after retirement.

While some people prefer spending their pension carefully, others feel they deserve to finally splurge when they are at the fag end of their lives.

This is what created problems between Ramakant and his wife Shubha.

“He would go to the market and buy all kinds of fancy stuff and resented it a lot when I stopped him. But he does not seem to understand that the price of daily living is going up by the day and we have only our pension to rely on,” Shubha.

Most counsellors say that cracks in marital life due to retirement issues often stem out of lack of awareness and not because of lack of love between the couples.

This is why experts say that communication and judicious planning is often the key to a happy retired life. It’s important for couples to have a chat about what, why, how, where and when vis-à-vis their retired life, so that the sunset of life is not clouded by issues that could have been averted and dealt with.

Amrita Sharma is author of the book “What Did I Ever See in Him” published by Penguin.