I Dont Want Decor for Dinner

Dont do it.

Indias cities have erupted with eateries run by privileged kids who claim they can cook. As with scented-candles and designer salwar-kameez,an industry has grown up around buying overpriced,sub-standard stuff from friends and acquaintances. Which is fine,except when outsiders unwarily step into the middle of this cosy,circular economy.

An essential part of their allure is that the food is being planned and,sometimes,prepared by people just like us. Its communal dining,youll be told breathlessly,food with a sense of community. Which means that youll have to squeeze in with other people,except youre guaranteed not to find the people who might have quietly shared your table at that real temple of communal dining,Andhra Bhavan. And,to complete that effect,these places will boast of their homemade,amateurish feel. Ironic authenticity,right,the only hipster value? Real people,real food.

Sorry kids. Asparagus pulao isnt real food. And if I

want to taste an attempt,do you mind very much if I go to a professional?

Its not all bad. In New Delhis Hauz Khas Village,like Mumbais Bandra West,an epicentre of the Kids-Like-Us-Except-They-Cook phenomenon,the Flipside Café serves up brownies,pizzas and crepes that feel homemade,yes,but in a good way,like someone paid attention. And the homemade food comes at homemade prices; theres free Wi-Fi,the mark of homeliness,though its the sort of place where youll look dead uncool without a late-model MacBook Pro. The people taking your order are casual,efficient,twinkle-eyed and flirty,and have tried everything on the menu. In the corner,theres a jumble of amps and wires,but,tellingly,no real stage.

Sadly,Flipside is unrepresentative. Just down the alley from it is currently buzz-worthy Grey Garden. On one side of a basement,theres clothing on sale; on the other,a bistro in space the size of the closets of those who could afford the clothes. You sit on uncomfortable chairs,cheek-by-jowl with your fellow-diners,and pay through your nose for food anyone could do better at home in 17 seconds. One dish,in particular,has stuck in my horrified mind as the worst value-for-money Ive ever had. It was a 300-rupee appetiser that promised delicately spiced chicken with an exquisite sauce on the side; what arrived was five tiny pieces of haldi-heavy fried chicken bits,with revolutionary idea,this honey mustard in a microscopic bowl. Most of us,sorry,are unwilling to pay enormous premiums for bad food even if its being cooked by fashion designers. Make that especially if its being cooked by fashion designers.

Like everyone else in the world,Ive had friends who wanted to open restaurants. Like everyone else in Delhi,I have two who actually did. I dont need to give them a boost; theyve been well-reviewed everywhere. But theres a takeaway from their life stories thats worth sharing. They were both great cooks,and voracious eaters. One of them quit everything else to focus on her Bengali food restaurant in a mall in Delhi. The other Gunpowders Satish Warier still manages a rock band with a number-one album,true; but then his little GK barsati had a kitchen lined with shelves of hand-ground spices,the most I had ever seen in one place. Unless you fit this template,best not to start a place that focuses on food.

One big benefit,though,is that kids who want to differentiate themselves sometimes do this by selling the food they loved,and grew up on,bringing to us difficult-to-find dishes. Gunpowder does that for the food of Indias coasts. Elsewhere in Hauz Khas,theres a new Nepali restaurant called Yeti,which goes beyond momos and thukpa to

Tibetan sausages and buffalo tongue. And I heard last weekend of a Bihari place opening in Shahpur Jat. A decade ago I couldnt get bhapa ilish in Delhi. Now Im looking forward to tucking into litti-chokha. Kids can change things.

I guess what drives this phenomenon is less the food,and more the idea of a cool place in which like-minded people gather. On Independence Day,for example,someone else I know will open a place in Hauz Khas,which will actually sell itself as a social network for the socially conscious. (Im told that it will be called Jai Bharat,and the art and AV gallery will open earlier.) I suppose thats honest. n

mihir.sharmaexpressindia.com