(The Union Public Service Commission (UPSC) released the Civil Services 2022 exam results on Tuesday (May 23). While a lot of media coverage is on the toppers or those who qualified for one of the toughest exams of the world, it is equally important to talk to those who did not make it to the final list. Nanditesh Nilay addresses the following letter to the aspirants who either lost all attempts of UPSC CSE or have to appear for the next prelims this Sunday. In this letter, he talks about the importance of dealing with the current situation of success and failure and moving forward. Nanditesh pens down an emotional and honest message for all the aspirants, "Don't let it be you". Let's pause for a while and read.) Dear Aspirants, I am beginning the letter with this reminder quote, "Don't let it be you". Travel well through these following words first and later analyse the meaning. It has been also said that nothing succeeds like success. However, if someone misses qualifying for an exam or fails to fit in the framework, should that be termed as a gross failure? If the success is huge, so is the failure. And when it comes to gross, it hurts. Does it mean that the person is incapable or inefficient in life? Such unnecessary questions will be coming from all corners of life but that is still not a worry for a teacher like me who teaches ethics and values. I am worried about that self image which will begin setting in darkness. Arduous time creates that deafening sound but if the going gets tough, the tough get going. So after missing the final score, do you still believe that you are tough? Or has self doubt eclipsed your reason. It's dangerous, it's discouraging. Don't get trapped in the web of gross failure. You are first a person, then an aspirant. Time has arrived to assess yourself as a person, rather than an aspirant. I believe you are better than the best. Do you? I am sure those who didn't find their names on the list would be utterly sad. And why not? They had been equally involved and absorbed in the whole gamut of this exam, like those who succeeded. However, a few crossed the finishing line and some failed to finish. But is it easy to assess a person's worth and brilliance by qualifying for an exam at two - three stages? I don't think so, and you will agree to this. So if you feel bad, it is natural, so is to cry. But dear aspirant, don't lose your breath. Don't lose the meaning of life. And don't enter the tunnel of depression. The people who come from humble background believe in labour rather than coaxing oneself as a loser in the race of life. They are physically and mentally strong to face innumerable incidents of failure or humiliation. Take inspiration from that hard work, bonhomie and willingness to adapt and survive. They dream but first by putting the physical, mental and emotional constructs at the right place. Now before demeaning oneself or self worth, you need to ask a soul searching question? Can any assessment be larger than self assessment? Answer will be 'no'. So the time is ripe to assess yourself at three levels. First, whether you are carrying those virtues which are essential in the civil services or any other profession? Particularly the values of courage and compassion. If your answer is YES then begin the preparation again if chances are still there. If you have already exhausted your attempts then get ready to explore new areas to compete and survive. But in both cases, you need values of courage and compassion. Courage to recognise the fear and endurance or ceaselessness to move ahead in spite of all odds and compassion to treat yourself kindly and your relationships with responsibility and regard. Second, do you believe in ceaseless focus in the midst of all kinds of social media and other deviations? Because you are not here to begin the race but to finish the race, and all finishers are not winners. There are losers too. But by touching the finishing line one doesn't carry regret because right focus never makes us blur. Third, how good are you in not carrying the baggage of failure and lesser confidence in life? That will be asking for your attention. The more you will be referring to your past failures or bubbling nervousness, the deeper you will be inside the vicious circle. Come out from that maze. If you really wish to succeed, don't make it a one time affair, rather make it a habit. Because finally winning becomes a habit. I underline "Finally" because it is earned while getting the taste of success. You know well that Sachin Tendulkar was far behind in his centuries in the beginning of his career from his contemporaries. But Sachin's balance has been the key, on-field or off-field. He always believed that comparisons and assessment must be done at the fag end of the career. So are you carrying a mindset which is distanced from the venom of comparison? If yes, perfect; if no, reject loudly the unnecessary obsession with comparison. We feel Dual but life is all about being Non Dual or Advaita. Remain with your inner self and closer to the spirit of wisdom and consciousness. It will help you to lead the rest of your attempts with grace and greatness. And lastly, your parents and Guru are the kindle. Don't see them with a hopeless heart. Beat for them and that with hope. We all have got a single life. Nothing more, nothing less. And you know that an individual has an illusion that something is permanent inside the body. But you know well that time only refers to the heritage of virtues which no fire can consume. So don't reflect every time your complete self with a mere result of an exam. Neither success will make you a larger self, nor failure a lesser one. Your gratitude for your parents and Guru will always inspire you to work hard, and with a purpose. Ultimately, happiness, gratitude and ethical virtues are succeeded. Time has come either to move on and excel in other fields or if chance permits, get ready to prepare with tightening up all loose ends of your preparation- structural, habitual, academic and functional. If there is a single chance left for you then don't change too much in your overall preparation style. But yes, bring those subtle changes within and around you. You need an acute focus of yourself on yourself. Respect yourself, your birth and upbringing. Respect your luck and space which you possess due to your birth. Respect your loved ones. Respect the whole process of preparation and those books which made you wiser and better. Respect the time because this bit is fixed. Respect your status of a Being. Respect your worth. As it has been said, "There is always someone who doesn't see your worth. Don't let it be you." Best wishes, aspirant. My grandmother used to say that 'Duaon me bahut asar hota hai!' We all are praying and you please, keep aiming higher. With Love, Nanditesh (The writer is the author of ‘Being Good and Aaiye, Insaan Banaen’. He teaches courses on and offers training in ethics, values and behaviour. He has been the expert/consultant to UPSC, SAARC countries, Civil services Academy, National Centre for Good Governance, Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), Competition Commission of India (CCI), etc. He has PhD in two disciplines and has been a Doctoral Fellow in Gandhian Studies from ICSSR. His second PhD is from IIT Delhi on Ethical Decision Making among Indian Bureaucrats. He writes for the UPSC Ethics Simplified (Concepts and Caselets) fortnightly.) — Edited by Manas Srivastava (The UPSC Essentials Indian Express is now on Telegram- Indian Express UPSC Hub. Click here to join our YouTube channel and stay updated with the latest updates. Note: Catch the UPSC Weekly Quiz every Saturday evening and brush up on your current affairs knowledge.) 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