Take Time: Signs and symptoms of low self-esteem in your child

Poor Confidence

Being confident in yourself and your abilities allows you to know that you can rely on yourself to manage different situations. This self-trust means that you feel comfortable and confident navigating many different things you might encounter in life, which can play an important role in your being. Individuals with low self-esteem have less confidence in themselves.

Lack of Control

People who have low self-esteem often feel that they have little control over their lives or what happens to them. This can be due to the feeling that they have little ability to create changes in themselves or in the world. Because they have an external locus of control, they feel powerless to do anything to fix their problems.

Negative Social Comparison

Social comparison can sometimes serve a positive function and enhance a person’s sense of self. But comparing yourself to others can also damage self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may be more likely to engage in what is known as upward social comparison, or comparing themselves to people who they think are better than themselves.

Social media can also play a role in such comparisons, contributing to low self-esteem. If you often compare yourself unfavourably to people on social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram, your self-esteem may take a hit.

Problems Asking for What You Need

When a person has low self-esteem, they may struggle to ask for what they need. This can come from a feeling of embarrassment. Or you may feel that a need for assistance and support is a sign that you are incompetent.

Worry and Self-Doubt

Even after making a decision, people who have low self-worth often worry that they have made the wrong choice. They doubt their own opinions and may defer to what others think instead of sticking to their choices. This can lead to a great deal of second-guessing and self-doubt. This makes it harder for people with low self-esteem to make decisions about their lives.

Trouble Accepting Positive Feedback

Positive feedback is often met with suspicion and distrust. Complimentary words do not align with their beliefs about themselves, so people with self-esteem issues may feel that the other person is being flippant or even cruel. As they don’t have a positive opinion about themselves, people who have low self-esteem find it difficult to accept compliments from others.

Negative Self-Talk

Low self-esteem causes people to focus on their flaws rather than their strengths. Rather than build themselves up with positive self-talk, they always seem to have something negative to say about themselves, engaging in negative self-talk instead. When things go wrong, people with low self-esteem often blame themselves. They find fault with some aspect of themselves, whether it is their appearance, their personality, or their abilities.

Fear of Failure

People with low self-esteem doubt their ability to achieve success as they fear failure, they tend to either avoid challenges or give up quickly without really trying. This fear of failure can be seen in behaviours such as acting out when things go wrong or looking for ways to hide feelings of inadequacy. People with low self-esteem might also make excuses, blame external factors, or try to downplay the importance of the task.

Poor Outlook

Low self-worth can cause people to feel that there is little chance that the future will be any better than the present. These feelings of hopelessness can make it hard for people with low self-esteem to engage in behaviours that will bring about positive changes in their lives. Self-sabotage is a common way of coping with such feelings. By finding obstacles to prevent success, people with low self-esteem are able to find something else to blame for not achieving their goals or finding greater levels of happiness in their lives.

Lack of Boundaries

The ability to set boundaries is often established early in life. Children with caregivers who show them that they are respected and valued are better able to create good boundaries in adult relationships. They are also more likely to have a more positive view of themselves in general.

People with low self-esteem can have a difficult time setting boundaries with others. They may feel guilty or fear that people will stop liking them if they try to establish or maintain a boundary.

Trying to Please Others

People-pleasing is another common symptom of low self-esteem. In order to gain external validation, people who don’t feel good about themselves may go above and beyond to make sure that others are comfortable and happy. Pleasing others often involves neglecting their own needs.

A major factor of low self-esteem, however, comes from your own mental state. Your inner voice, or the thoughts in your head, can be constantly telling you that you are not good enough or worth anything, even if there is evidence to the contrary. Negative thinking in general is linked to low self-worth and low self-esteem.

Alisha Lalljee is a psychologist, special educator and psychotherapist practising in Bandra, Mumbai

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