The intelligence of youngsters is gauged by the marks they get. It would be fair to say all parents wish their children to perform well academically. Board exams are one of the most stressful times in a family’s life – for the teenager and the parents. The tension and anxiety usually doesn’t end on the last day of the examination – it carries on till the results come out, As a parent you may have lot of thoughts around the score, college admissions and what your hopes are from your child, which is understandable. Your mind constantly thinks: How will my son/daughter do? Where will they get in? Will my child get more marks than our neighbour’s child? You can feel bogged down by the thought of receiving countless phone calls from your relatives and friends enquiring about the marks, which could bring in a lot of unwanted turmoil and comparisons. When the results are out, suddenly, it's a family affair. It’s no longer only the youngster’s performance and capability. Marks are somehow associated with the parent’s upbringing, values, family’s success, and happy home environment. Young teenagers also feel the pressure of performing well. So much is riding on it. So many eyes and questions are directed at them when result day is around the corner. They go through their own share of post-exam anxiety and stress. Here are some ways to manage the results day: Nurture their Future: Avoid words and statements that could potentially damage their inner-worth and put a dark cloud of their future ahead. An example would be: “You are good for nothing”; “Nothing good will happen now”; “You will end up working as a cleaner”. An exam performance does not always define who they are and how they will do in the future. As parents you need to prepare and nurture their future, not predict if it will be bleak or bright. Create a road map to move ahead – strategise how to improve, put in the effort in the right direction, look at underlying reasons which are not getting desired results. Comparison is the thief of joy: Comparison with any sibling, cousin or friend can often feel like a heavy load on their sensitive mind. You may remember from your days at school/college, how destabilising comparison is. Young people interpret comparison as a form of criticism, they start thinking that there are not as loved, they are a misfit in the family, they are failures in the eyes of parents. It tends to take a toll on their mental health, confidence and even yours as a parent! If someone else’s child is doing better academically, it’s okay. Keep your focus on what is your child does well – it could be behaviour, a talent, skills, etc. Dealing with Expectations: If you are disappointed over their marks, let them know that. Naturally, as parents, you may get shocked and disappointed if the results are lower than expectations. It may even lead to an outburst or stern reaction. This usually stems from “log kya kahenge” or fear of what the future will entail. This could lead to further distancing and resentment in your parent-child bond. A healthy and emotionally supportive parent is better positioned to help their grown-up child. So do remind yourself, that the board exam results are not the only defining point of life, their future can still be bright. Reach Out and Listen: Be vigilant and observant to any changes in behaviour. If you notice your teen not looking and behaving like their normal selves, tell them, “You seem sad Would you like to talk about it? Maybe I can help.” Let them know you’re there for them and love them unconditionally. Listen and try and see their point of view. More succinctly, create an environment where sharing is encouraged. Children often talk and share when not prompted constantly to do so. For all the latest Parenting News, download Indian Express App.
