Opinion Maid for each other,not really!

And maybe this is why the nanny,a self-proclaimed “trained nurse”,has been trying to convince me that I should immediately start giving him formula,or even Mother Dairy milk,saying my son won’t grow if he keeps passing motion so many times a day — so what if his paediatrician has certified that he is growing 35 grams per day,which is “more than adequate”.

Working with me since October,the nanny has given me several such shocks in these two months. The first one was her straightforward question: “Did you see a snake when you were pregnant?” Not at all convinced with my reply in the negative,she asked me: “Why would your baby stick out his tongue all the time otherwise?” She was certain that there could not be any other explanation. I did not expect this from somebody who claimed to have been a nurse.

In her late 40s,the lady had impressed me with her “bio-data” as she claimed to have “raised several children” and that she had been trained as a nurse but could not complete the course “because of some problems”. Besides,she had been recommended by a few of our acquaintances. I liked her reasoning when she refused to do the dusting saying she could not go near the baby in her dusty clothes. She offered to give me an oil massage every day,which a woman needs after delivery. She was to work as a full-time maid and do cooking,cleaning and washing,besides taking care of the baby when I joined office. Satisfied with the interview,I hired her,agreeing to pay her a fortune. With three months’ maternity leave still remaining,I was confident there was enough time to train her further to suit our requirements.

I was wrong. I had underestimated the “experienced” nanny who believed that I am a good-for-nothing modern working mother living in a nuclear family who does not know anything about child rearing and needs to be taught everything from the scratch. In a short time,I also learnt that she belongs to the school that does not believe a woman can have her own preferences and a mind of her own. It goes without saying,hence,that she did not like it when I told her I wanted ‘my’ lunch latest by 1.30 pm. When my husband had a business lunch one day,she did not cut salad for me,’thinking’ why would I need an elaborate meal just for myself. “Since ‘Bhaiyya’ won’t be eating,I am not cooking anything today. I will heat the leftover daal and curry,and make some rice,” she announced another day. Her cooking did not suit our taste but it was difficult to teach anything to Ms “I-know-everything”. She agreed to change her cooking style only after my husband entered the kitchen one day to cook,refusing to eat her tasteless chicken.

She is a good masseur,however,and does the baby’s work with great interest and sincerity. And after my outburst one day,I now get my lunch at 1.30 pm and my salad even if her “Bhaiyya” is not eating at home. Besides,she cleans the fans and windows,changes bedsheets after every two to three days,and offers to bring vegetables and other stuff without being told to do so.

After spending two months with her,I am gradually settling down with the fourth person in our life,though I still think I should have waited for some more time and talked to more people before finalising this one.

If you are working and leaving the job is not an option,you cannot do without a caregiver for your child. After the experience I have had so far,my advice for those in the same boat is to start your search as soon as possible and have patience. Identify the kind of person you want (age,background et al) and make a list of the services you want from her. Talk to as many people as you can. Agencies are an option too,though I was not too keen on approaching them with all the incidents of crime committed by helps hired through placement agencies making headlines. Besides,hiring a person from an agency means you need to take care of all her requirements — arrangements for her stay at your house,arranging for them to be sent home and brought back,medical care if needed,et al. Since my maid lives nearby,I won’t need to do anything for her in case I have to go out of station. She gets half a day off if we are going out. Agencies,however,offer back-up services so that you don’t find yourself in a mess if the regular one takes a day off and you cannot skip office. 

Taking care of a child cannot be considered a regular chore. It is important that the person you are hiring takes interest in child rearing. Do a trial run,if possible,to see if you can rely on her and whether her temperament suits the job. It is better to go for someone with past experience. You can always speak to her previous employer to know more about her. And even if you find the right candidate,continue looking out for the other options available. Though it is important for the baby to bond with his nanny,which needs time,I have kept my eyes open because I don’t know if what is manageable right now will remain so once my leave ends.

Last but not the least,you need to maintain a healthy relationship with her because you won’t want to offend the person who will be spending time with your little one in your absence. But I am probably not the right person to preach this because I often lose patience. Having been my own boss ever since I started working,I could not initially cope with the fact that things were not being done the way I wanted to in my own house.

I am more patient now,compared to the first month. I have learnt to overlook things like the increased sugar consumption of my household — my maid needs seven spoons for her one cup of tea — and her high-pitch tone,though I almost had a fit one day when she woke me up from my afternoon nap. For things I cannot overlook,I have learnt to work my ways around them — I bolt the door from inside if I want privacy,for she does not know the concept of knocking.

To run things smoothly,I have realised,you need to have open communication about everything — expectations from each other,timetables,and leave schedules. I will have more to write on this after my maternity leave gets over,when my maid’s (or mine?) real test begins.