Opinion Women’s Reservation Bill and the unfair burden of expectations: We must be excellent, while men can just get by

Growing up, I was always told that if I did not give my best, my 100 per cent to all the work that I did, be it in school or later in life, I would not go too far. At the same time, I would see the boys from my class putting in the minimum effort required to achieve a good grade and still be applauded for ‘doing something’. Although I was fairly privileged in terms of my caste and class background, I never felt quite enough. I believed that I must be the best in my class, in my family, in my school — to truly deserve any applause or acknowledgement of effort. And that, in itself, is where the difference in attitude shows clearest.

But even though we are only receiving our somewhat fair share in decision-making spaces now, we cannot, and should not, be held to different standards than our male counterparts.

A 2020 Harvard Business Review article confirms that people prefer leaders who are “sensitive and understanding”, who “emphasise employee development even when times are tough” and who display “honesty and integrity”. It also confirmed that women more often demonstrate these traits. While it may be true that women are more prone to being responsible and reliable, these qualities hardly exist in a vacuum. These qualities are not a function of being a woman but a function of being forced into the gender role expected of women. The presumption for women to be “more responsible” and “collaborative” forces us into engaging in emotional labour yet again — because women must never be too “difficult” or “picky”. We were never provided with the same leeway to just be because we only ever grew up hearing “boys will be boys” and never “girls will be girls”.

In terms of financial responsibility as well, one of the most common arguments for providing loans to women (microfinancing) is that “they contribute larger portions of their income to household consumption than their male counterparts… Children of women microfinance borrowers also reap the benefits, as there is an increased likelihood of full-time school enrolment and lower drop-out rates” (International Labour Organisation report, 2007).

Rather than using the point of greater focus on social issues in favour of representation for women, we should ask why the current occupants in Parliament have been unable to shift their focus on these issues until now.

The ubiquitous quote (which has multiple iterations), “If you educate a man, you educate an individual. But if you educate a woman, you educate a nation,” has been attributed to many sources — mostly famous men like Jawaharlal Nehru, Mahatma Gandhi, Brigham Young, but it also seems to be an African proverb. The fact that societies from across the world want to claim it as their own speaks to the deep sense of belief in this notion. It conveys the idea that while educated men will, and are relied on to, move on with their individual lives and dreams, educated women will usher their families and communities on the path to progress along with them.

The equating of women with their larger communities serves to underscore the belief that women are responsible for the social and cultural health of their communities. The logic of kinship dictates that women act as transmitters of values and principles to their children and others. But the social responsibility, taken on by women, of ensuring that their children are well-behaved and their households are smooth-functioning is what ensures the smooth functioning of the men’s jobs and careers. It is what enables men to take their seats, carefree.

So while we begin to hail this passing of the Women’s Reservation Bill as a victory for women, we must keep in mind all that we have sacrificed — and all that the other women in households will now have to sacrifice to allow some of us to take our rightful seats in Parliament. Because even as women take back some of the power, it will not always be from men.

adya.goyal@expressindia.com