Opinion We need to talk about death

However, it left me thinking: Do these conversations extend beyond academic circles? I don’t know how mainstream these exchanges are, but the fact that international academic institutions and researchers are invested in discussing death and related processes highlights the gravity of the subject and the openness to talk. Do we have comparable spaces in India?

After publishing my book on rituals, I was often asked: “Why did you write about death?” I always smiled and patiently answered the question. But internally, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why shouldn’t I?” Aren’t death and dying universal human experiences? I remember someone checking with me if I was scared to visit crematoriums and funeral spaces while researching the subject. But to me, these weren’t traumatic experiences; they were empowering. The book drew curiosity because we rarely talk about death, and writing on a taboo subject seemed to push boundaries. However, in my experience, discussions on death and related rituals move far beyond the initial shock. Even though at first, the attendees were visibly hesitant, as soon as the crowd warmed up, there was an avalanche of curious questions. We discussed organ donation, dark tourism, the death industry, and gender. I realised that, since death and dying are mysterious and touch every human life, there is much curiosity surrounding it. This raises an interesting question: If a genuine interest exists, then what prevents us from openly talking about it?

Even though our scriptures detail how to deal with death and grief, why do we, as a society, feel reluctant to deliberate on these topics? Are we afraid of being drowned in grief, or are we waiting for another person to initiate the conversation? Is it because we lack suitable channels to support these discussions, and are culturally conditioned not to discuss death?

Let’s start by discussing why conversations about death and dying are necessary. A friend shared that his bereaved friend was clueless about arranging his father’s last rites. Later, they compiled a simple checklist, which included addresses of nearby crematoriums, phone numbers for pandits, and other essential information. Having a handy checklist doesn’t just ease logistical burdens; it also helps dissipate fear of the unknown.

Crucial discussions ahead of time help us plan more thoughtfully for the end of life. They empower us with tools to make better medical, legal, financial, and personal decisions that come into play in the final stage of life and beyond. I remember a friend telling me how her mother had expressed her desire to donate her body to a medical school. These discussions help us plan better and may ease potential family tensions and property disputes.

While researching the book, I came across horrifying accounts of death and disposal during the pandemic. There was chaos. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been as messy, both emotionally and logistically, had there been better death preparedness?

Talking about death and dying is the first step towards normalising it for children and adults. Creating empathetic, encouraging platforms that foster candid conversations about dying and death could help immensely in mainstreaming these discussions. During the Covid pandemic, online grieving sessions turned out to be cathartic and uplifting for participants.

We can explore regional poetry, art, and photography around these themes. Even culturally specific books and art can serve as great conversation starters.

If we start at an early age, we can nurture our young minds so that they grow up to become adults who are not scared of facing the inevitable — who don’t break down at the sheer mention of the word “death”. This becomes more crucial with the growing number of suicides among younger people.

Ultimately, there are no simple answers. By normalising conversations about death, we can build a society that responds to grief with compassion instead of fear.

Dewan is an academic and the author of the book The Final Farewell: Understanding the Last Rites and Rituals of India’s Major Faiths