When the General met a paanwallah

Back to the gym-owner. His mother would be proud because from the moment anyone steps into his gym, the visitor is convinced that he or she has flab all over and is a product of freaky design fault.

The visitor would be told that potatoes are poison and that whatever he was eating was too much. Soon he would be convinced that he could only consume five small meals (25 mgs) a day, that he needs banana shakes that supplement his protein and also requires special diet pills that make his ever bulging stomach disappear in weeks.

My gym-owner friend tells me that for an effective sales pitch, one has to appear sincere. Look at General Mushararaf across the border. There is no better salesman for Pakistan. The gym-owner idolises him.

Then my friend gave me this ‘‘inside’’ story. Apparently, Mushy invited General Colin Powell, told him that he has a ‘‘high-value target’’ in the Pok Afghan border, claimed his troops were closing in, secured a US ally status as a reward for his efforts and, after Powell made the announcement, Mushy claimed that the ‘‘target’’ probably disappeared.

I don’t believe such a thing is possible. I know it is easy to fool the US these days but this is ridiculous. Years ago, I read stuff like that only in newspapers. (My gym-owner friend reads newspapers not for what they say but for their ‘‘circulating’’ figures. Am I the leader or is the leader following me? Have I commissioned an NRS survey, which is different from ABC? If all this is confusing than you are not a ‘‘No 1’’ newspaper reader and there is a danger you may be declared extinct.)

Did you get this bizarre story of Mushy selling a pup to Powell in these newspapers? No, he replied, the newspapers never give such stories. He claimed he heard this story from one of those Indian cricket enthusiasts who was welcomed by the General himself.

The story goes that the Indian fan, a paanwallah from Uttar Pradesh, was given free rides in taxis, not charged at restaurants and invited to meet the President himself because Mushy wanted to win Indian hearts. It was in that meeting, continued my ‘‘gym-runner’’, that the :paanwalah was told about the General and how he made a fool of Powell. I was impressed. So was my gym-owner friend but there was a note of caution.

‘‘Thank God,’’ he said, ‘‘General Mushararaf is not running health clubs. He would drive us out of business!’’