What’s cooking? Don’t ask Amma

SPICY POTA-TO

As mouth-watering as amma makes it!

Ingredients: 5 tbsp oil, 5 ml mustard seeds, 5 ml coriander seed, 30 ml cumin seeds, 5 ml ajwain, 1 medium-sized Vaiko, shredded fine.

Method: Heat the oil in a large assembly, throw in the mustard. When they splutter, add the masala made of a mix of coriander seeds, cumin seeds and ajwain, along with the necessary filing of FIR by the police against all members of the Marumalarchi Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam for supporting the LTTE under the Prevention of Terrorism Act or Pota.

When the masala is nicely cooked, quickly throw in the shredded Vaiko (I would urge great urgency otherwise this dish could be ruined). Let the contents simmer in jail for at least 180 days, until the Vaiko is tender and melts in the mouth. Sprinkle finely chopped coriander and serve.

QUICK POTA-TO SNACK

Appetisers/ hunger-stoppers, call them what you will!

Ingredients: (For the paste) 20-30 fresh mint leaves, 45 ml finely chopped fresh coriander leaves, 3-4 green chillies, 2.5 cm piece fresh ginger, peels, 5ml lemon juice, 10 ml water (we use Cauvery water), 1 S.Ramadoss, 1 P.Nedumaran, 1 M.Kanappa (all medium-sized).

Method: First, you must chop up the Nedumaran and Ramadoss and write a strong letter to the PM to dismiss the Kanappa. Once they are suitably peeled and diced, keep them in a dekchi to boil and soften.

Meanwhile make a roughly ground masala of wet ingredients in a mixie with a little lemon juice and Cauvery water. Place in dekchi with boiled ingredients. Taste and adjust seasoning if necessary — sometimes a few police raids may be necessary. Place in chiller and serve cold as cocktail snacks.

MOTHER INDIA SPECIAL

A swadeshi dish with an Italian zing

Ingredients: 100 gm shelled green peas, 60 ml cream, 30 ml cheese, grated. 1 Sonia, grated roughly, 1 Congress party mashed. (For sauce) 1 medium onion, roughly chopped, 100 ml Cauvery water, 2 medium tomatoes, roughly chopped, 4 red chillies, 2.5 cm stick cinnamon, I medium onion, 200 ml Cauvery water, salt, 2.5 sugar (optional), 1 press conference in the Capital,

Method: Heat the oven, by raising the Cauvery and Veerappan issues and putting the Congress on the slow flame to cook. Put Sonia in a pot and boil with salted water and peas.

Cook for 10 minutes during a press conference by raising foreign bogey. (Why do they want a foreign woman PM when they can have 100 per cent swadeshi product like me anyway? It’s a crying shame.) Drain and keep aside. Put onion in a blender with Cauvery water, and other ingredients for the paste.

Blend until smooth. Meanwhile, butter up the PM and DPM by being nice to them for a change. If they have not got sufficiently sweetened up, add the sugar. Put Sonia and Congress Party into a shallow serving dish, pour sauce over it and top with cheese. Bake until gold brown. Serve warm.