It’s a Wonderful Life

Karam Chand and Kartari Chand live up to that “literal truth”. At 106 and 99 years of age respectively,they recently celebrated their 86th wedding anniversary in Bradford,UK. Their eight children,27 grandchildren and 23 great-grandchildren swell with pride as they bask in the media attention the couple — perhaps the oldest in the UK— has been getting. “We don’t know for sure,but we do think they must be the oldest married couple in the UK. It’s for the British government to verify this,but given the current trend of marriages,it seems unlikely anyone else can match their record,” says 64-year-old Sodhi Ram Chand,the second son of the couple,in an e-mail interview.

Born in Karari village in Jalandhar,Punjab,Karam Chand didn’t go to school; he received “basic education” from a religious priest in the village,and married Kartari,from nearby Randhawa village,in 1925,when he was 20 and she 13. “In those days,the bride and the bridegroom,including my parents,wouldn’t even see each other before the nuptials,” says Sodhi Ram. The most important criteria then was the family. “The matchmaker briefed the two families about each other’s respectability,” he says.

Like his father,Karam Chand took to farming in his village. In 1965,his eldest son,who was an inspector in Bradford’s transport department before he passed away in 1985 due to a heart attack,asked his parents to relocate to Bradford. So,Karam and Kartari migrated to the UK. There,Karam Chand did various odd jobs till he was 65. He would work in a factory or a mill or a parking lot “as he wasn’t very educated”,says Sodhi Ram. But he did ensure that his children were. Sodhi Ram did a PhD in geography at the University of Leeds,UK; he retired recently from Punjab University,Chandigarh,where he was a professor. The third son is a senior manager in the State Bank of Patiala and the youngest,a businessman in Bradford. The Chands’ four daughters too have done their A-levels.

What is the Chands’ secret to their long-lasting marriage? “A simple life and good-quality food,mostly roti,dal,rice and vegetables,are the main reasons for our long life,and long marriage,” says Karam Chand (through his son’s e-mail). His only health concern at the moment is partial loss of hearing,while Kartari,who still has ghee,milk and yoghurt,doesn’t need dentures. Prod them about their relationship,and Karam Chand says,“We have a good mutual understanding. Kartari is ever-helping and a wonderful companion.”

Reasons for excitement change with age. The couple is “eagerly awaiting” Kartari’s 100th birthday in November,when the Queen,according to tradition,will honour her with a congratulatory letter for reaching the milestone. Karam Chand was similarly felicitated six years ago,and still preserves the Queen’s message.

The couple’s daily routine includes watching Punjabi and Hindi shows on TV,reading “learning English” books,and interacting with their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. “Bibi was very active. She would insist on doing household chores till 20 years ago,when we restrained her from doing so. She used to go for walks by herself,but now needs help. Papaji too used to go to the park independently,with a walking stick,but now we do not allow him to venture out alone,” says Sodhi Ram.

They haven’t restricted their diet much. Karam Chand has been having a daily peg of whiskey for many years. “I’ve never stopped myself from enjoying life,” he says. But now his children have put a “ban” on his whiskey intake,allowing him only “a shot of brandy now and then”. “That keeps him happy,” says Sodhi Ram. They have given in to the patriarch’s demand though that he still be allowed to smoke one cigarette a day,before dinner.

The children don’t extend restrictions to their parents’ social conduct. “We don’t infringe on our parents’ freedom to express their views,to live their lives the way they want to,and to exercise their right on the family as elders. They can comment on the behaviour of anyone in the family. Their opinions,which they express on all matters,is taken seriously. We always try to keep them happy. This feeling of being wanted is what keeps them going,” says Sodhi Ram.

Living in UK,believes Sodhi Ram,has also added years to their life,and marriage. “The government here gives pension and free medical care to the elderly. So we decided to keep them here,instead of moving them to India,” says Sodhi Ram. The couple visit India every March.

Their life hasn’t been without its lows. The biggest blow to the couple was their eldest child’s death. A long life,they have realised,means that they would be bidding farewell to friends and relatives not blessed with as many years as them. It has made them more pious as well. “It’s all God’s doing,nothing can move without his consent,” says Sodhi Ram,echoing his parents’ sentiments.

Do they have a word of advice for couples in this age of fragile relationships? “Don’t forget your elders. Be with them and the positive vibes will benefit both sides,” says Karam Chand.