The I&B Minister says all television must be suitable for those under 18 years. What of the millions over 18? Would it be suitable for them to watch Mickey Mouse (now 75!)? Equally, is it advisable for a 17-year old to watch what is appropriate for a three-year old — and vice versa? Teletubbies for teenagers? Or, put it this way: at what age may we watch Sex and the City? Never? At 8 months or 80 years — when going to bed means going to sleep? And, who decides on suitability? People believe adultery, bigamy, rape, violence, family feuds, deceit, deviousness and deviant behaviour — fundamental to most popular Hindi TV soaps — are inappropriate for people of all ages, never mind the under 18. And, hey, what of news channels with real life adultery, bigamy, rape, deceit. Or animals ticking to their biological clocks? At this rate, we’ll be left switching channels to Bruce Springsteen’s song: ‘‘57 channels and nothing on.’’ Assembly elections. Some positives: every TV news channel found MP’s roads bumpy — why, NDTV’s Vote Matters lurched, drunkenly, in and out of the camera frame. Two, They the People spoke. Exit city celebrities, enter village vox pop: on Star’s Kaun Banega Mukhyamantri, Vinod Dua chugs his complaining three-wheeler into a Chhattisgarh village where a wizened old man repeats a refrain we heard constantly: ‘‘No water, no electricity, no roads, no assistance’’ Rajpur farmers are more cynical: ‘‘They (politicians) do nothing. after winning they never return. ’’(Aaj Tak). In Shivpuri, NDTV India’s Vote Yatra found people inarticulate with hopelessness: ‘‘Aapko kya lagta hai?’’ ‘‘Mujhe kuch nahin lagta’’ ‘‘Aap batayee?’’ ‘‘Kya bataien?’’ Previous elections, TV channels gave the microphone to such angst, few listened. This time, there are so many of them, we can’t escape its sound. Negative: other than chief ministerial candidates, we didn’t hear from politicians much. The PM and Sonia Gandhi were seen and cut off in mid-sentence. Zee’s campaign trail of Kamal Nath is typical of TV’s coverage: first (always) the helicopter. Nath whirrs in and out — high above his people. On the ground, a quick namaste, a brisk walk, garalanding, a band and dancing blank faces. Nath strides on and off the podium, back to his chopper — a magnificent man in his flying machine, munching a sandwich (Singhasan Ka Semi Final). The pandits and psephologists have already pronounced the verdict. What’s the point of voting, then? These worthies played musical chairs since we last met: Mahesh Rangarajan left NDTV-Star News for Star News, G.V.L Narasimha Rao Doordarshan for Zee and now Sahara Samay, young Deshmukh has gone from A(aj Tak) to Z(ee) while Yogendra Yadav from DD to NDTV with Prannoy Roy — of Star and DD. That leaves Prabhu Chawla as Aaj Tak’s pandit and psephologist. It’s all a bit of a joke. The ‘winners’ believe the polls, the ‘losers’ insist they will receive a majority. Roy says ‘‘politicians believe what suits them’’ and then tells us that 70 per cent of polls are incorrect! (Battleground, NDTV 24X7) Poll shows are rather like eating hot popcorn: hugely fulfilling while you watch and understand every swing in the public mood. Strangely dissatisfying, when you’re unable to recall the exact Gujjar population of Rajasthan. The most innovative flops: Aaj Tak’s Aaj Ka MLA. Since none of us are acquainted with our own MLAs, let alone those in North Chhattisgarh, you’re left marveling at the strawberry cake graphics and the pretty colours. Double Take (NDTV 24X7): there’s just no polite way to say this: keep the political muppets, sack the scriptwriter. Finally, Joe Millionaire (Star World). The first seven alphabets can describe this reality fairy tale, contradiction in terms and all: it’s an absurd, banal, chauvinistic, dumb, egotistical, fraudulent game. Still you watch gleefully as Joe Millionaire — actually Evan Trucker (looking the part) — gets to keep the gal of his choice — and be the millionaire he told her he was until he told her he wasn’t after he had told her ‘‘I have chosen you’’. Evan says to the chosen Zora, you are ‘‘ a great person. (who) cares about people..’’ Like Mother Teresa? Zora, after a brisk trot and thought in the woods lovely, dark and deep tells the trucker she had ‘‘I was turned off by the money so I would like to continue the journey’’. Helps if you’re going off with a trucker.
