Unforgiveables, top-of-minds, and persona non gratas of 2003

Bipasha’s Bulges: Tsk tsk. Another bombshell loses the battle against lard. Given her healthy arms and matronly love handles, no wonder all the guys shy away when she seeks the one with the smallest. No one quite wants to risk messing with a heavyweight.

Go-go Glares: You know the kind we mean. They perch on the nose and add colour to the face—by that we mean more of the same of the garment. Nothing wrong with that, except that they should then cease masquerading as sunglasses.

Distressed Jeans: Remember the time when jeans needed to be worn to look worn? Nothing, but NOTHING, can replicate the second-skin-smooth feel of old, first-love jeans. Not clever lines near the crotch, nor strategic fading on the thighs. That’s a sales line that just doesn’t wash.

5 PEOPLE WE WON’T MIND NOT SEEING AGAIN
Dilip Singh Judeo: No matter what the pundits say, the country will not miss him if he never twirls his moustaches again for the camera. For sheer double-facedness (split-screens show him accusing Gandhi of accepting money from the Birlas in one, and denying he ever said any such thing in the other) and power to embarrass, he is top of the unpop charts.

Victor Banerjee: Sorry to do this to you Mr Banerjee, but we think retirement and the hills of Mussoorie suit you better than the completely inconsequential comeback in Bhoot and the lost look in Jogger’s Park. We’d much rather remember you swathed in those exquisite shawls in the Ray masterpieces.

Mayawati: If rocks topped a girl’s most wanted list by the end of the year, the Dalit Diva had no hand—or ear or throat—in it. In a year conspicuous by its ordered ostentation, she took the birthday cake.

Ajay Jadeja: In cheesy colour photos with his wife and kid, yes. In wine-and-cheese dos in Delhi, yes. In whites in cricket grounds, perhaps. In stage shows, no. On the big screen, NO.

Daler Mehndi: Punjabi pop is alive and well, but Paaji’s time is unfortunately over. Having spent half the year in hiding—and pulling off land deals between safe houses—Mehndi’s credibility is not quite what it used to be. We’ll miss the diamond-studded turbans and the OTT overcoats, but, sigh, all good things do come to an end.

5 FAVE MOVIE MOMENTS
SRK’s ‘Not yet, idiot’: Top of the list for simply being top of the mind. The King of Cool’s star moment, the two seconds of celluloid that justify the last 20-minute drag of Kal Ho Naa Ho. Dying speeches will never be the same again.

Hrithik’s coming of age: On the silver screen, silly. The look in his eyes as he clutches Preity Zinta and quizzes her, ‘Am I not physically strong?’ in Koi… Mil Gaya, that’s the stuff audience goose pimples are made of. Just that one scene encapsulates why Roshan Junior will be sweeping the acting awards come next year.

FM: Where would we be without retro hour(s) on radio? All the songs that were fading memories suddenly took on wings and learnt to fly. Never mind that there are no faces or dances to tag to the majority of these songs, or that the only reference to the movie titles are available only in ancient film glossies.
RD rocks, OK?

Indi Movies: Not quite the stuff of Hollywood indies, not even multiplex manna, but a slew of releases like Jogger’s Park, Jhankar Beats and Mumbai Matinee shows there’s still some hope for the urban audience that thinks, speaks and curses in English.

Shahid Kapoor: Simply by the virtue of being the only 20-something to make an impact (Ishq Vishq) in a year that explains why Old is often referred to as Gold.