Time Out

In stark contrast, see for yourself how we quickly corner a person with criticism.“You have become so thin, were you ill?” “Go- sh, you have put on so much weight, what’s the matter?” “You are looking so tired today, are you stressed?” “I remember what gorgeous hair you had….” And so on. Criticism also has its positive side, they say, it helps us counteract it. But truly speaking, when it comes to `looks’, a different parameter should be used. Air positive remarks, suppress the negative ones! Why comment negatively, when the mirror on each one’s wall does the needful?

I can never fathom one particular comment to a young lady, who had lost her husband about six months back. This sophisticated friend of hers remarked, “You have really become very thin.” Now, is this poor lady supposed to put on weight in the aftermath of such grief? And pray, what was the motive behind this remark?

Often, people at the top and in public life are victims to brazen criticism, albeit behind-the-back variety. His or her peculiarities are scoffed at when it comes to gossip, but these samecharacteristics are admired when, at some social do, these critics want to show off about how closely they know him/her. Most won’t even acknowledge his contribution on his face while he is alive and doing splendidly for himself, but God forbid, if he has kicked the bucket, compliments will flow like a running tap.

Tragically enough, compliments have come to be synonymous with flattery. Praising a person means you are trying to be his chamcha or are maybe expecting favours or squirming into the good books of this person in power. Why? Can’t it be a pure and genuine compliment? Acknowledgement or appreciation for good work is an instinctive human need. There is nothing wrong in expecting it. But there seems to be something terribly wrong in giving it. And thanks to this suppression, we harbour feelings of jealousy, hatred and meanness towards each other. We have been trapped in the so-called crab culture, wherein we do everything to pull down a person just when he is climbing up and above the rest ofus.

An award too is a compliment… an acknowledgment of worthwhile contributions. Observe how many of these awards are given to those who are currently at the helm in their respective fields. Who are shining like stars in their particular profession at this point of time. Their contributions are almost always acknowledged late in life. After they have retired. When they are doddering. When the younger generation has only a sketchy idea of his outstanding contributions! Bah, these vicious habits of procrastinated compliments!

Maybe it has something to do with the spirit of one-upmanship that rules our lives. Of self-centredness wherein only `I’ matter. Maybe it is time we accepted the triumphs and successes of others, as our very own. And then see, how this spread of good cheer comes back to us, in more joyous ways than one!