Ramming it all down the tube

… A civilian runs for cover. The legend says it is Aligarh. Moments earlier, the same civilian had run for cover in Srinagar (Aaj Tak). Jailed VHP members break free from a jail in Lucknow (Aaj Tak), jailed VHP members break free from a jail in Kanpur (Star News), 10,000 kar sevaks march on Ayodhya (Zee News, ticker tape), thousands of kar sevaks rounded up (NDTV 24X7 ticker)…

…USA declares Dawood Ibrahim a terrorist, there’s a terrorist attack on the residence of J&K Chief Minister, kar sevaks attack the police in UP, the Indian bowling attack is roughed up by New Zealand, sorry that’s the woman in Ayodhya… And Ashok Singhal stands with a hand on his heart…

There’s the Supreme Court’s strictures on the Gujarat riot cases and the police manhunt for rapists in Delhi. Is there any place in India that is safe? Or is the media a force multiplier, increasing our sense of insecurity with this MTV style, back-to-back telecast of the same violent scenes? For the tenth time in two hours, you see the old man dragged like a grass mower: does it make you feel

a) happy security forces are protecting us from such dangerous individuals
b) sad for the old man
c) sick of the entire Ayodhya issue?

Sometimes, it becomes difficult to tell where the media stands, if, indeed, it has legs. Consider the rape of a Swiss lady. Aaj Tak brought you the crime in bright, cheerful computer-graphics which strongly resembled a picnic rather than the dark, lonely assault of the night. NDTV 24X7 did something shady which looked suspiciously like a pair of dark, male trousers walking, stopping at a car and doing a little jig — presumably the moment of first assault.

Do TV reconstructions enhance our understanding of the crime, deter future incidents or simply put you off picnics and dark, male trousers?

On to the latest Punch and Judy show. Not sure if Sheila Dikshit is Punch and Madan Lal Khurana Judy, or vice versa but in their TV encounters, they behave like a crotchety old couple who’ve known each other so long, they bicker over even the price of onions.

In at least three outings on Aaj Tak, DD National and Zee News, Delhi’s Chief Minister and the BJP leader who wants to replace her, have sparred gently over prices, privatising power, Delhi’s statehood, Delhi’s Metro. Ironically, they share the same ambition: become CM and carry on the good work of their previous governments. Yawn.

Dikshit treats Khurana like she’s school marm to an overgrown, truant schoolboy (oho, you should listen, oho, you are getting mixed up, now say thank you to the audience). She shakes her head in amusement or her fingers in stricture. At the Zee debate, she placed a hand on his arm which strangulated his vocal chords. He beamed bashfully, endlessly, then continued on his merry way, occasionally, silenced by her scoldings.

Lastly, the Bachchans (Rendezvous with Simi Garewal, Star World) playing the typical Indian family: Amitji is the father unable to ‘‘say no to Shweta’’, Jayaji is the son-doting mother (‘‘Mama is partial to Abhishek’’), Shweta is the one that got away (‘‘I said yes in five minutes’’ to marriage) and Abhishek the likeable son (‘‘I share dirty jokes with him…I feel protective of Mama…’’) Amitji is grateful Jayaji allows him to ‘‘nest’’ in her house, Jayaji ‘‘loves’’ having lunch with Amitji, Amitji calls them ‘‘the greatest family’’…