3rd June,London Did we land in Melbourne instead? London is hot,the skies are yellow and not even a hint of rain. The heat doesnt suit the England cricket team either. They lose their second straight game to Martin Guptill and New Zealand,and lose a home ODI series for the first time in four years. This surely must be Australia. Next stop,Wales. A night train to the land of daffodils,Catherine Zeta-Jones,Ryan Giggs and the hard-tackling Dragons. 4th June,Cardiff I cant understand a word. Caerdydd i croeso,say some. Sut ydych chi? others ask politely. Welcome to Cardiff and How are you,respectively. Mae'n dda gen i gwrdd a ti (pleased to meet you),I learn to say in Cymru,the Welsh tongue. Dinesh Karthik too seems to be speaking a different language from the rest. Scores his second straight hundred in the warm-ups. He alone beats Australia,bowled out for 65 in their chase,by 81 runs. 5th June,Cardiff Problems with the Celtic tongue continue. This time at a quaint little pub called Owain Glyndwr,named after the last Welshman to hold the title of Prince of Wales. A few barrels of cwrw (ale,pronounced cyuryu) later,make my way to the toilets. Like all loos,there are two doors marked M and F. I push open the door to M. The women inside arent happy. In Welsh and most Celtic-derived tongues,the word for Male is Fir. Female is Mna. 6th June,Cardiff Twenty years ago,almost to the day,at the Ashes,he had flicked out The Ball. Today,outside the Sophia Gardens press box,he flicks out ash from a half-burnt cigarette. I ask him for a light and Shane Warne simply stares back. I break his glare by focussing on the match below,where Shikhar Dhawan is smoking a few boundaries of his own,en route to another century. Then,moving in slow,measured manner,quite like his run-up,the man with 708 Test scalps draws out a lighter and fires my cigarette. Check,I go in my head. What next,I think. Perhaps get David Boon to buy me a can of beer. Australia cant land a blow,on or off the field.8th June,Birmingham: During the day,a weak side led by George Bailey punch above their weight at Edgbaston and miss. At night,a woozy David Warner punches below his weight in a bar called Walkabout and barely connects. The recipient,Englands Joe Root,walks away without even a black eye. Witnesses say that a fake beard instigated one and saved the other. Roots camp claim that the beard wasn't meant to poke fun at Hashim Amla,but to look old enough to enter a pub in the first place. 9th June,Birmingham A press conference involving a Pakistan captain,especially at the back of a loss,never disappoints. Misbah ul Haq,though,seems quite intent on bucking that trend,replying mainly in monosyllables to the British press. I decide to chance my luck during the Urdu session (as if Hindi wasnt hard enough). Aapke siva aur koi batsman responsibility kyun nahin lete hain? I ask,with fingers crossed. Misbah stares back,hunches his shoulders and begins with a sigh: Main aapko kya bataoon,kahaan se shuru karoon? The next 480 seconds are music to my ears. Urdu 1,English 0. 10th June,London Half a dozen years have passed since the prince of Trinidad,Brian Charles Lara,retired from international cricket. Yet,he continues to divide opinions like few others. Especially here at the Oval,a place where Lara and the West Indies tasted plenty of success. Do you remember the Prince winning the Champions Trophy here? It was the greatest moment,man, says one steward,originally from Trinidad,to another from Barbados. It was Laras only trophy as captain. He was a selfish man who played for himself, replies the Bajan. I politely interrupt,saying he won a Test series against England in 1998 as captain. Yeah,dat England not counted man, says one. Yeah,not counted, the other agrees. 11th June,London Its facial hair day in London. At Hammersmith,ZZ Top,the synth-country band from Texas,perform,led by the two most famous beards in rock and roll history,Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill. The frontmen of ZZ Top,however,share follicle space on the front pages the next day with two Indian cricketers. At the Oval,the fabulously twirled stache of Shikhar Dhawan and bushy mushy of Ravindra Jadeja trounce the West Indies. With 5/36,Jadeja cant stop taking wickets. With 102*,Dhawan cant stop scoring hundreds. And with Le Grange,ZZ Top cant stop playing their greatest hit. 12-14th June,London For three days all eyes are in Chelmsford as Lancashires Simon Katich scores 122 on a spicy pitch against Essex. Talks of a recall begin in Australian media circles. Hes got to play the Ashes; hes still better than Khawaja,isnt he? ask some. Then on the final day,the Aussie journos forget about Katich. Heres why. Essex boast the services of five current or former internationals against Lancashire. Owais Shah,Hamish Rutherford,Ryan ten Doeschate,James Foster and Sajid Mahmood. Yet,not one of them can save Essex from getting bowled out for 20,the lowest score in County cricket for 112 years. In a terrific display of pace bowling,Glen Chapple (5/9) and Kyle Hogg (4/11) wrap up the innings in 14.2 overs. Chapple and Hogg? quizzes one Aussie reporter. They sound Aussie enough. Put them in baggy greens for this Ashes,mate. 15th June,London Catcalls and boos resonate across Edgbaston as the Swami Army and Stani Army unite. Pakistans batsmen have put on their third straight woeful show in this tournament,but this time it is unpardonable as it has come against India. Says Anshuman,a Swami,who drove down from Manchester: The Pakistan team should refund our tickets. This wasnt a contest at all. Says Saleem,a Stani,who flew all the way from Florida. They can keep the gate money,but Misbah must pay for my flight back to the US. Misbah is on his way to the airport too. You can catch him there,someone says. Saleem is off,as a dart of green proceeds in the direction of the Birminghams air terminal. 16th June,London Seventeen years after Nick Faldo won the Masters in 1996,Justin Rose,a Johannesburg-born Londoner,pulls off the US Open at the Merion by two strokes over Phil Mickelson. What is it with South African born Englishmen and ending sporting droughts in this country anyway? In 2005,with the help of Pietermaritzburgs Kevin Pietersen and Joburg boy Andrew Strauss,England put one past Australia in the Ashes in,again,17 years. Roger Federer is half South African, says a wisecrack sitting next to me and watching Rose lift the trophy. Does that qualify him for being an Englishman too? 17th June,Cardiff Welsh football is on the rise. For the first time in 51 years,the Premier League will see two Welsh teams,newly promoted Cardiff and neighbours Swansea. There arent two Welsh teams but three in the EPL, says a manic Cardiff fan. I go over the facts in my head,confirming if Newport is still in the Championship,and ask him how. He smiles and delivers the line of the day: Cardiff City,Swansea and Gareth Bale at Spurs. 18th June,Cardiff Its Paul McCartney night in all of Cardiff. Easily the most famous singer-songwriter-bassist of all time,McCartney has just turned 71. A pub named Rubber Soul seems just about right for a tribute night. Between songs from Sgt. Peppers and Abbey Road,the DJ stops the music. For Sir Macca, he says,Let us all stand up for Liverpools national anthem. You Will Never Walk Alone. National anthem? McCartney was Liverpudlian alright,but he supported Everton. Google it. 19th June,Cardiff Theres some paranormal activity taking place in the South African camp. First,Gary Kirsten,the media-shy coach of the Proteas,attends a press conference on his last day on the job. Then,Kirsten,uses the word that no South African supporter likes to hear. I think we did choke again, he says after a crushing loss to England in the semifinal. Its an uncomfortable word,that weve become comfortable with,and you have to accept that for what it is. 20th June,Cardiff There are three distinct flags on display during the India-Sri Lanka semifinal at Cardiff. The Indian chakra,the Lankan kastane and a red one with the face of a tiger on it,carried by the Tamil Eelam protesters. They invade the field,either side of the break,and on both occasions Rohit Sharma is in the vicinity. He misses a catch as two of them gallop onto the field in the first innings. The next time,perhaps noticing a bunch of red flags crossing the ropes from the corner of his eye,Rohit dances down to a ball he shouldnt leave his crease for and is bowled. As he exits,the protesters enter. 21st June,Cardiff Bresilad becomes Bresidad and the tabloids have plenty to kick and splash about. Tim Bresnan,son of Yorkshires soil,has become a father after his wife Hannah gives birth to a boy. Tim has named him Maxwell Geoffrey Bresnan,and the middle name instantly raises eyebrows. Connecting the Yorks,Bressys homage to Boycs, says one paper. Its all in Yorks shire reads another. The Bresnans release a statement. Geoffrey is the name of Tims maternal grandfather. Max Geoffrey is named after him and only him. 22nd June,Birmingham Having used referrals better than any other side in the tournament,MS Dhoni is asked if India would reconsider their stance on the DRS,a day before the final. Why should we? Kevin Pietersen first and now Mahela Jayawardene, says a laughing Dhoni,pointing to his wickets overturned in Tests and ODIs respectively. His only international wicket remains Travis Dowlin of the West Indies,whom he bowled (no need for DRS) in the previous edition.
