Some people have a problem understanding the English language. Take, for instance, the word “midnight”. It means 12 o’clock at night. However, for some it means 10.15 p.m. or 9.30 p.m and anything in between. This incomprehension (or a clock that’s ticking over fast), leads them to do at 9.30 p.m. or 10.15 p.m. what they ought to be doing after midnight. Like, get the ladies to shake off those straps and make a clean breast of it. Ahem. Of course, most of it was fabulously shaped and made your eyes snap open like popcorn in hot butter — that’s before you hastily change the channel, not sure who might be watching behind your shoulder. Good God, not the kids?What’s the matter with FTV? Why is it laying its own boobie trap? Does it want to be known as a fashion stop or body shop? If the former, why does it telecast an edition of Midnight Hot at 10.15 p.m. featuring aforementioned bosom pals? Yes, they were aesthetically pleasing but that’s no reason whatsoever to flaunt them at that hour: Midnight Hot should be at midnight or else it will make many viewers blood run cold; just complaints will follow about the exploitation of women and its impact on children. Once that happens there’s every chance that The Authorities will be forced to ask FTV to get dressed, pack its bags and leave. All of us who love FTV (and we do) don’t want that to happen; so FTV, employ someone who understands the English language.DD News may understand English and Hindi but is less sure of the difference between “official news” and “news”. Thus, when faced with the choice between leading the prime time Wednesday bulletin with the latest developments at airports around the country because of the AAI strike or the PM’s press conference, being DD, it chose the PM. You had to wait a good 15 minutes into the bulletin before it referred to the strike. Private news channels led with the airports. And while the latter focused on the agitations and the police action at Mumbai airport, Doordarshan turned its attention to irate passengers complaining about the agitating workers. We don’t know which was the right choice, but this is a striking example of how the same story can be told in different ways to suit different objectives.On TV, the prime minister looked extremely lonely seated by himself on the vast, empty stage. Made you wonder why a more intimate location could not have been chosen for his press conference. Dr Manmohan Singh was far more the politician on this occasion than during his previous media meeting which means that often, he only answered the part of the question he wanted to and conveniently ignored the rest.Onto livelier performances. None more so than the latest edition of American Idol (Star World). It’s not just Paula’s chutzpah or Simon’s meant-to-give offense rudeness or Ray’s (feeble) attempts to upstage them — it’s also the contestants. They’re Jumpin’ Jack livewires, they’re such poor singers you beg them to stop, they’re so funny you beg them to continue, they are tall, fat, gawky, with pimples, with spectacles and without shoes, they have braced teeth, buck teeth and a way with words that Simon cannot always match — ‘‘I’m sweet, cute, adorable - c’mon .’’, they plead, they cry, they laugh and have three things in common: a ghastly dress sense, weird characterstics and a desire to sing — even when they can’t — just for the chance of being on American Idol.Contrast them with the contestants on Indian Idol II (Sony). They’re designer-dressed, hair-styled and lipsticked with Lakme (or whatever); they’re always tearful, fearful, and dreadful bores. It was the same with Fame Gurukul and it’s still so with Zee’s everlasting song competition Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Challenge (when will it end?). The difference between the munna from Mumbai and the stud from South Carolina is that while the American looks happy to be there even when he loses, the Indian looks unhappy even though he wins.
