My choice for BJP president, (take it or leave it)

Now that BJP president L K Advani’s rath yatra is heading towards the sunset, the time has come to consider a replacement. Some may bel...

Now that BJP president L K Advani’s rath yatra is heading towards the sunset, the time has come to consider a replacement. Some may believe that the party needs an astrologer like Murli Manohar Joshi for the job — given his ability to predict its future by plotting the position of the Sun in the Seventh House of Aries. Others may argue that an outstanding lawyer like Arun Jaitley would be the right choice since he can argue his way out of any situation. Still others may go with Pramod Mahajan, because he comes with his own aircraft (or at least has plenty of friends who own aircraft).

I disagree with all these choices. To my mind, the two with the most appeal are Sushma Swaraj and Uma Bharati — women marked by great charm, charisma, dynamism, eloquence — and the cutting edge. And since it is so difficult to choose between them, the RSS should plumb for both and make them joint presidents. After such an installation there will, I promise, not be a dull moment in the BJP and it may even emerge as the country’s most popular party because of its 100 per cent swadeshi version of the ‘‘Tom and Jerry’’ show. Here is a possible trailer…

SUSHMAJI: Party colleagues, I am calling this meeting to order.

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UMAJI (throwing a microphone at her): I am supposed to be calling this meeting to order. You did it last time.

SUSHMAJI (throwing the microphone right back at her): But you called the last two meetings before that to order, so I must get two chances. So the issues to be discussed today….

UMAJI (on her feet): No issue will be discussed today until the order of the meeting is agreed upon. Sushmaji is throwing her weight around…(she suddenly finds herself on her back as Sushmaji actually throws her full weight on her with a thud).

UMAJI (screaming from under Swaraj): Bhaiyon aur behnon, somebody stop her or she’ll break my back. You wait, Sushmaji, I am going to report you to Sarsanghachalakji Sudarshanji. Ow, ow, ow…(her high-pitched screams cut every assembled member to the bone).

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SUSHMAJI (very calmly): Now, where was I, yes, the issues to be discussed today…(she hadn’t gone very far when Umaji, now on her feet, grabs at her hair. Sushmaji’s injured yowl sends an electric shock through the assembled gathering).

SUSHMAJI: Hai Ram, the lady is going berserk, somebody control her. I am talking to Sarsanghachalakji Sudarshanji this moment, if she doesn’t let go of my hair.

UMAJI: She is useless, what has she done for the party apart from bringing it trouble and embarrassment? Look at me, I participated in the Babri Masjid demolition campaign, I won the MP elections, I staged the Tiranga Yatra…

SUSHMAJI: Arrey, you call these contributions? It was me who was the official spokesperson of the party, it was me who had to argue the party’s case before the media and public, it was me who took on Sonia Gandhi in Bellary…

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UMAJI: It was me who threatened sanyas if Sonia Gandhi becomes prime minister…

SUSHMAJI: It was me who threatened sanyas if Sonia Gandhi becomes prime minister, and shaving my head and sleeping on the floor and eating boiled channa…

UMAJI: So what, I really shaved my head and wore saffron and lived in a cave in the mountains. You are only a Diliwalli mem who wears nice-nice saris.

SUSHMAJI: And you are only a pretend sanyasin. Anyway, I have Nagpur on my side, Sarsanghachalakji Sudarshanji is very impressed by my dedication to the RSS.

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UMAJI: Sarsanghachalakji Sudarshanji is really fond of me, he says I am a true beti of the RSS. You can phone him and ask…

SUSHMAJI: You can phone him and ask what he thinks of me. He believes that I am the only young leader who can lead the party to power and he said so on TV…

UMAJI (stamping her feet): He didn’t, he didn’t!

SUSHMAJI (stamping her feet): He did, he did!

UMAJI: He didn’t, he didn’t!

SUSHMAJI: He did, he did!

Before anybody can stop them they are at each other’s throats again. The party has never been as energised as it is at that moment thanks to its dynamic (and dynamite-like) presidential duo.

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Prime Minister Narendra Modi Saturday hailed the revised Goods and Services Tax (GST) structures, saying the era of “double bachat (saving) and double kamai (income)” has arrived under the Bharatiya Janata Party rule. Addressing the ' Namo Yuva Samabesh' in Jharsuguda, Modi accused the Congress of indulging in “loot tantra (tactics)” while in power.

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