With poll verdicts getting so fractured that they're beginning to look like patients in an orthopaedic ward, it's time that we took some emergency decisions on how to handle this delicate issue of democracy.Because, as a people, we are well and truly hung. Here we are with over 50 individual parties (some just that - individuals as parties) all struggling for a toe-hold in government. Then there are the nearly 250 possible, potential, probable finance ministers in the running. As if this is not enough to put the rest of the country in a permanent state of catatonic schizophrenia, there go Jayalalitha and Mamata bringing out the bamboo poles to support a potential, probable, possible government ``from the outside''.It seems that the more political parties scream about giving us stability, the more unstable the rest of us become. And since the only verdict of every election is that there should be another on the way, we may as well learn to live with life in the election queue and love it.There aresome amongst us who thump tables at dinner parties and proclaim in loud tones that ``what this country needs is military rule''. I am not one of them. When people describe the country as being the largest functioning democracy in the world, my heart swells with pride. During moments like that, I glance down on that dot of indelible ink still on the fingernail of my left hand. Yes, I remind myself, I too did my bit to ensure that the 12th Lok Sabha received its reserved quota of scoundrels.The question is how do we make Indian democracy more sustainable because this nation cannot afford to stage such Rs 700-crore fantasias three times a year. The only way out is to go in for sponsorships in a big way. If the Olympics could draw over a billion dollars worth of sponsorships, I don't see why we can't manage a few million for this unusual multi-disciplinary spectacle, complete with comic and tragic sidelights, long-distance runners and quick-change artistes, real bloodshed and bombs, not to speak of a live(presumably), interactive audience of 600 million voters.This may mean that we have to dispense with the services of the CEC. In any case, whatever poor Mr Gill does, there's always hanky panky in Patna and the PWG continues to blow up policemen on election duty. So let's get a competent events manager instead, who can give shape to this dream.For starters, the Cola merchants could be approached, though George Fernandes may not approve. But this way at least they can legitimately scream, More Elections, More Pepsi or Eat politics, sleep politics, drink only Coca Cola.Then think of the sponsors that someone like Sonia Gandhi could attract and not just spaghetti manufacturers and pizza eateries. To my mind, the most suitable sponsor for the bahu of the nation is Shringar Kumkum - what mileage that product could get with a line that goes Is desh ki mitti se mera sindhoor laga hai.The Ray-Ban people should opt for M. Karunanidhi. Not only is he a committed wearer of dark glasses, god knows theman needs all the help he can get to block Jayalalitha from his line of vision.Some like Vinod Khanna, the Baba Zarda man from Gurdaspur, comes conveniently attached to a sponsor. Others will have to work hard to attract them. To help them along, I have the following suggestions. For P. Chidambaram, Sivaganga's own son, Robin Blue and Robin Starch - ever whiter, ever brighter, ever stiffer. For Mulayam Singh Yadav and his political rival-in-arms D.P. Yadav, both from Sambhal's killing fields, Ganga bathing sabun - the soap that washes blots away. For Pramod Mahajan, lately of Mumbai North-East, Air-tel mobile phones - buy two and get one free. For Sharad Pawar, the Baramati baron, HongKong Bank's Any Time Money facilities - money, any time. For Harkishen Singh Surjeet of the CPI (M), Fevicol - fixes anything, from broken Fronts to splinter groups. Om Prakash Chautala of the Haryana Lok Dal, Monkey brand toothpowder - lots to smile about. L.K. Advani,Gandhinagar's chosen one, MRF radials - tyres that go a long way.But we shouldn't, in our obsession with sponsorships, forget to the other vital component of Indian democracy. I refer, of course, to the opinion poll wallahs, the exit poll wallahs, the non-opinion wallahs and the non-exit wallahs who can be trusted to natter on non-stop, around the clock, until the next election comes along, and the next, and the next.Until some party/group/front/coalition somewhere hits the magic figure of 272.
