Is your child behaving?

I was excited that a dear family friend was arriving soon. I would be seeing her after years. So everything around the house was taken ca...

I was excited that a dear family friend was arriving soon. I would be seeing her after years. So everything around the house was taken care of. I especially dusted and re-arranged the little curios that my husband had brought from his travels overseas. My friend also liked curios. Suddenly, the telephone rudely interrupted my stream of thoughts. “Hi! It’s me,” my friend said. “We will be with you in about half an hour. But I thought I’d tell you that it would be nice if you kept aside your decorative pieces, away from a child’s reach. You know, I can then talk to you without much worry. OK? See you soon.” And hung up. I hung up too! Didn’t understand what to do next.

Whatever has happened to social etiquette these days? In city buses, it is not an uncommon sight to see the grey-haired hanging on to dear life while teenagers are busy voicing their trendy lingo in gay abandon, secured to their seats.

And when you go visiting your friends, what happens? The TV is on and you are compelled to watch the show your friends were. Or in many homes now, the child comes, switches on the VCR and inserts the latest Walt Disney. You wonder whether you actually came to meet your friends or watch the show. “Listen son, you see this cartoon every day. So why don’t you switch it off now,” the parents tenderly tell their nine-year old. “Actually, you know, it’s so difficult these days, the kids just don’t listen,” your hostess justifies.

Take, for instance, the child who comes to your house and goes fidgeting around your electronic goods, including the music system. At times, it is in front of the mother, who generally prefers to ignore or tell the child a simple (but not firm), “Don’t touch, son.” The mother most often turns to you and says, “He really embarrasses me. Just doesn’t listen.”

Weren’t we ever kids? What has happened today? Is this a result of the single-child syndrome? Or is it that working parents tend to pamper their children? What about the mother who doesn’t work outside home? Is it so difficult to handle a child and teach him the dos and don’ts of social behaviour?

At a lecture on How to handle my child’ organised for parents at the Vikhe Patil Memorial School, Anupama Desai, a child psychologist and counsellor, said that although disciplining often has negative connotations, it is advisable to be firm while inculcating a sense of discipline. Being firm does not mean you are terrorising your child, does it?

It also becomes difficult for the children to accept two set of norms – one for public behaviour and the other for within the home. While certain ways of behaving may not be out of place at home, the same may not be acceptable outside. Concerned parents feel that it would be wiser to have similar patterns of social etiquette applicable both at home or outside for it is difficult for a child to understand the difference. “If you do not want your child to jump about on somebody’s dining table or feel embarrassed about such behaviour, do not allow him to do the same even at home,” says Sunita, mother of a six-year-old.

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It is also important that we, as parents, recognise the potential of our children and shape and nurture them even while inculcating a strong value system to help them develop into concerned individuals.

It is essential that parents enjoy the young one’s childhood and do not use their own past experiences to limit the growth of the child. While accepting a child the way he/she is, it is parents who ensure the development of the child into a better social being. And things must begin today for a better tomorrow.