History, live and alive

When Zee News announced, last Monday, that it would telecast the ‘‘most sensational expose in Indian TV history,’’ we didn’t know quite what to expect but we most certainly did not expect to see correspondent Yogesh Khare jump into a strange looking object that turned out to be a window and open up cardboard boxes of fake currency. ‘Zee News ka Dhamaka’ died without a whimper.

In a fairy godmother world, TV news channels would ask for elections every day. All that is shiny and best about TV news is on display during elections. That’s excluding the opinion polls which were ‘‘poo-poos’’ as Shah Rukh Khan calls bloomers in Kal Ho Na Ho. They were so off, they could have been conducted only at Congress Party HQ. The Exit Polls missed the numbers but caught the wave.
Counting day. For three exciting hours — 8.30 am to 11.30 am — TV news ruled the airwaves. What do we, as viewers, want from election result specials? The results, of course. In their absence, the leading positions. Next, why a certain result is the result — a spot of psephology followed by a dot of good old-fashioned political punditry to deconstruct the psephology. Then, you’re ready to hear from the party poopers and witness a little shadow boxing between political opponents. Lastly, if you awoke late or went to work early, a capsule of events would go down nicely with dinner.

By these yardsticks, NDTV 24×7 was, by its own immodest claim, ‘‘simply the best, better than all the rest…’’ It got the order right and the panel just so: Prannoy Roy, Dorab Sopariwala wearing the psephologists’ hats, and Rajdeep Sardesai and The Indian Express Editor-in-Chief, Shekhar Gupta, as the commentators. The winners and losers appeared in interviews — outside the studio. It was snappy, sophisticated and god be praised, succinct.

DD National, Aaj Tak, Sahara Samay and Zee News had the same elements but devoted too much time to political polemics. This is one day Star News must have rued its decision to party company with Prannoy and Co. It was poor in psephology, low in punditry and kept ‘‘breaking news’’ with leading positions (huh?). Sahara News’ seating arrangement suggested it didn’t take the results very seriously. The anchors and guests lounged about in easy chairs and a sofa (a sofa!) as though this was The Oprah Winfrey Show. Aaj Tak’s exit poll was the most accurate but on the day, it had too much political chaat-masala — spicy yes, but not election results.

American and British call centres find the Indian English accent foreign to their ears. What about English football commentary? Chelsea versus Manchester United was drowned in the din of Chelsea supporters. At a volume speed of 2, you could faintly hear the commentators spit out names like chewed up supari: Hasselbaink, Keane… One commie had a cockney, Welsh, Scottish, Irish accent; the other dribbled words like a football. Incomprehensible. Or a secret language for football aficionados. Must ask a colleague, Jayaditya Gupta.