From Chamko to Chaitali

Is there a role you’d have fought tooth and nail for?
Maybe Umrao Jaan. I would have loved to play that role. It was never offered to me, I don’t even know if I was actively working at the time. But it’s one of those roles I look at and wish I’d had the opportunity to play. To be honest, I don’t want to chase projects. Everytime I have, I’ve felt cheap.

Do you regret not being more serious about your career?
The only reason I didn’t do more work is because I chose not to. I can’t blame anyone else for it. I just didn’t want to do the same thing over and over again. And then there was my personal life… I wanted to live life to the fullest. I met and fell in love with Vinod (Pande) and we travelled a lot, and we just wanted to be together all the time. In any case, I didn’t see any reason to hang around here.

What drew you back?
During Vinod’s illness in America, he began egging me on to work again. He always thought I had much more in me than I’d given to the movies. I did Leela in Los Angeles. Then I was offered Shakti, for which I flew to Rajasthan, after which I returned to the US. After his death, I realised there’s so much more to the life I’ve lived that I still have to translate into my work. But because I’m back, it doesn’t mean I’ll do just anything that comes my way. I am an actress, but I’m not an actress who has nothing else to do.

Your performance in Leela is drawing rave reviews…
Until now, I’ve always played characters that are very far from who I am, so it was nice to play Chaitali, which was much closer home. Personally, I’m always confused, easily rattled, but internally strong. Chaitali is very much like that, only she’s a little more confused, and I’m a lot more independent than her. Dimple (Kapadia) used to tell the director that he should switch our roles, but I think I was always better suited to play this role.

You’re writing a script yourself, aren’t you?
Yes, and there’s a role in it that I want to play. It’s a deeply complexed character, a very sensitive person. I am also going to publish a booklet of my poetry called The Silent Scream.